Celebrations

As I went to bed last night, and cried myself to sleep, asking... the ceiling, I suppose... Why did you do this to yourself, I finally fell asleep and had odd and disturbing dreams.
I was of course, not talking to the ceiling, but to the memory of a departed friend. One I should have been calling today to rub in the fact that he was 32 and I'm not. Although I can deal with death, suicide for me has been most difficult. Here I am, a year later, still angry and trying to come to terms with the means of his disappearance from this earth. It is my way today to pull a Scarlet O'Hara, and think about it tomorrow.

On the up side of my life, my husband offered to take me out tonight, despite a massive hang over from the consumption of the "Jack-of-daniels" last night. He is so sweet. I also took part in last evening's libations, but did not wake up with that nasty little gremlin with the huge jack hammer in my head, laughing a nasty evil laugh, as he chipped away pieces of my skull. I lucked out. I just don't feel much like playing nickels tonight.
So we shall be staying in, and taking gleeful note of the things the last nine years of togetherness have brought us. There are times when Kevin's tendencies towards being a homebody can drive me a little bat shit. Tonight it is my turn to just want to sit around the house, barefoot and bra-less and maybe share an intimate dessert with him after the kids are abed... two 30-something people, side by side on the couch with messy hair, ugly pants and baggy shirts, eating from the same Ben and Jerry's tub, while watching sci-fi shows and sitcoms.
That is the definition of growing old together, right? There are days when I am sure we must be the most settled 30-somethings I know. Shit, we don't even bother to fight anymore. Despite our faults and short comings, I think we both have it pretty good... and that's what to take note of on one's anniversary.

So break out the junk food and pour me an ice tea in a spaghetti sauce jar! We're celebrating!