Hate the Wait

Why would a pediatric clinic tell you to check in for your appointment 15-20 minutes early?
Especially when you call them and ask for an afternoon appointment, so you don't have to take them out of school- but DO have to bust ass getting them to the clinic after class, in order to meet the requirement of 20 minutes early.

His scheduled time was 3:30. I arrived at 3:06... not just on time, but early to boot. Yay, me. We sat, and watched Monsters, Inc. Tickity tick tick.... 3:25... 3:30... 3:40. Tickity tick, assholes. Getting more and more steeped as I sat there stewing in my bitchery soup, I walked up to the window at 3:45- (pre-armed with the information that 3:30 is the last appointment of the day).

I nicely asked how much longer it would be, as the children's boredom had me worried they would begin to lick the paint from the pretty art work on the walls at any moment. The Air-baby at the counter said we were next to be called. I managed, with this news, to pull my anger down to a simmer, and headed back to the seats my children were flipping turns over and bouncing on. Fuck em- they make me wait this long- they can buy some new ugly couches...

The technician came out- I grabbed my purse, as she said "Conners", and took another family back in the office. (WTF does "next" mean to you?) Credits were rolling across the screen of Monsters, Inc. Another 10 minutes I waited to watch yet another child and parent be taken back to be seen- The TV was doing that fabulous white noise thing that I normally would find soothing, were I not in the waiting room of the ninth ring of hell.

All the clinics were closing. The lab shut their front window, and still I sat there.

By the time they finally called me back, I was back to a rolling boil. Absolutely livid. My boy's temperature, weight, height, BP and other such routine physical things we taken. I wasn't there for a routine physical, but might as well get it done now. She said the doc would be in soon and disappeared.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, fucking TICK. 20 minutes, and the kids trying to get into the medical equipment, and seeing if they could fly by flapping really hard and jumping off the medical bed... Mom had become Vesuvius on legs. Poking my head out of the door was reminiscent of those horror movies where someone is locked in the corridors of an abandoned hospital in the middle of the night... I swear I heard a cricket chirp. Like the heroine in those shitty movies, I went in search of ANYONE. Only took me 10 minutes.

I asked how much longer I would be, and was told the doctor I was scheduled with was in with another patient. Now, either this was one worrisome basket case of a parent, or this doctor is painfully slow, as she had been in with same said patient since BEFORE I got to the clinic.

I, as pretty as you can imagine a crazy pissed off bi-polar woman with two kids climbing walls could be, asked the tech to find me another doctor, as all I needed was a referral to someone else. She sent in another doctor- I think she realized the jeopardy her life would have been in would she not have done so.

The doc I got looked like any other pediatrician would look after a long day of treating sniffles and sneezes and ADHD kids- tired. She asked my son to walk for her, but with his jeans, she couldn't see his feet. So, we asked him to take his pants off, and the child who not 3 days ago walked butt-assed naked and dripping into the living room, developed a sudden case of modesty. Even after sending his baby sister into the hallway, I still had to pin him down and wrestle a him for his pants... Imagine one of those nature shows where men wrestle alligators... You would have thought I was trying to pull his very skin off. Once this had been accomplished, she carried him to the far side of the exam room, and told him to walk to me- which he did- HEEL, TOE. Not the normal tip toe-tip toe gait that had brought us to the appointment in the first place.

Ever hit that point of pissed where you have to laugh? The frustration level is so high that there is nothing left but a chuckle at the situation? That snicker that starts out quiet and races upwards until it turns into a steam vent and a scream- usually with the self mutilation of hair pulling.... We walked out of the building at 5:24, from our 3:30 (and be 20 minutes early) appointment.

By the time we got to the car I had resorted to bribes. I paid for my children's silence on the drive to the commissary... and by that point I was happy to fork it over, as I knew once we got to the store, they would be over flowing with lots of great ideas of what we can buy today, like great jet fountains, their mouths would run over.

Gee, boy, I can't wait to get ahold of Tri-care on monday when they try to refer me off-base for his physical therapy, and I have to convince them that it is the WRONG thing to do... after today, I pity the foo' who tells me no.