Raising Them Right

As parents, we live in perpetual zone of chaos and worry. Every mom worries about the approach of the age when drugs, alcohol, and peer pressure are going to be real issues in our kids daily lives. Luckily, that is a bridge I do not have to jump off of just yet.

What I do worry about is raising them without ignorance, prejudice, and irrational fears of others. My kids, at the tender ages of 5 and 7 know nothing about civil rights, even the civil war. They have never heard the "N" word, except when it might occasionally be said on TV, and they don't know what "gay" means. It is not that we shield them from these realities in life, but we do make sure to not cast anyone different in any way from us in a negative light. It is important for them to know that they are no better or worse than anyone else.

The worry creeps in for me thinking of the first time my beautiful boy comes home upset because some playground bully called him "fag", and he doesn't know what it means, but it hurt his feelings... Or he hears another child call his friend a "N" and he comes to me to find out what that is and why the other child said it..

As trite as it sounds it is so much different than it was for us. Our parents grew up during the Rosa Parks, MLK days. Their adolescence was steeped in the civil rights movement, and we were the kids learning from those grown ups... not all of whom were educated about and comfortable with diversity; especially if they came from places that saw rioting first hand. I suppose it is the equivalent of today's New Yorkers ass deep in the lessons of 9-11 trying not to be prejudiced against Muslims.

Yesterday the movie "Glory" was on. Great film. The media has been buzzing about the "Gay Cowboy Movie". I don't believe that shielding my children from these critical lessons of our past is any kind of answer. I would prefer they hear it here, from me, in an environment that they can ask questions in, than in school from some gutter-mouth ignorant kid. I know it is not always possible, but how can I teach them before they hear it that these ideas are bad and hurtful without tainting them in the first place?

How do you explain to a 7 year old boy about homosexuality when he doesn't know what sexuality is in the first place? How can I make my daughter understand that there were some very bad things that happened a long time ago to those people because their skin was a different color? Sounds simple enough, until you think ahead to the barrage of "But, why, Mommy's". A dissertation on the evils of slavery or gay bashing to a kindergartner is not what is called for here.

As a wise woman once said... "As hard as you think motherhood will be, you end up wishing it was that easy."