Lame

I know, I know, I am a lame ass... posting 2 of these stupid MEMEs in a month- but this one is quite good- it looks a lot like that dumb paper they make me fill out every time I go to my shrinks office... that's right before he asks me if "I have have any thoughts of harming myself or others recently"... I am curious who actually says "Well... yea..." to that question...
I am ass deep in Birthday party planning and preparing for the kids t be out o school for the year. I will do better next week, I promise. Post your results in the comments. I wanna see what kind of crazy fuckers read my blog. :)

Dildos in the news

Was chatting today with an online friend of mine and sent him THIS LINK as I thought it was funny as all get out. The answer I got back was most amusing and gave cause for a smirk all day... so Thanks Leo for today's blog fodder.

He wrote..."One time when we were moving our offices at my college, one of the hired movers found this huge pink rubber plastic phallus in the top desk drawer of one of our most prudish and assholish professors. That was 12 years ago, and he's never lived it down. Good"...

Truth is often better than fiction. You just can't make up shit this good.

Grey and More Grey

The weather today sucks- Dark and dreary, and thunderstorms threatening the horizon. It just sucks. (It just struck my curiosity how many times I have written the word "sucks" in this blog.)
As I have been going strong for over a year now... I may be taking the site down soon, and revamping the look of it... So if you try to come on in, and find some error page, that's why... then again, I might get started and find it too daunting a task and say fuck it.

Boredom Fun

Lots of fun little quizzes on here to keep you occupied for at least a little while.
I am posting the one that hit most accurate for me :)

Missing the Point

All this controversy over a little movie. IT'S A MOVIE!!! IT'S A STORY!!! You know... Hollywood, ya ya ya? Not the point really. What rags my ass is the controversy leaves out the meat of the story. People have their panties in a wad for "The Da Vinci Code" portraying Christ in a bad light because he was married. WTF is so wrong with him being married. OH... and let us not forget that the marriage is secret... I bet back then it wasn't. Have any of you silly bastards read the documents that Brown references? Documents even the Vatican acknowledges exist, but don't subscribe to? Not that it matters much. That is not what the story is really about. Half of these crack-pots are out there making a fuss about something they have never read- and something their pastors forbid them to see.

The controversy should be about what the book was about... The Christian Church and it's role in the devaluation and demonizing of the woman, and the long reaching consequences it has had on today's society. Why is it deplorable that Christ was married? Oh... well, since women and women's sexuality are intrinsically evil- how could Christ have had a wife? It's crap. If you read the book, or saw the movie- you should go back and review the term "Sacred or Divine Feminine." Women can carry and create life, and though a bonding with the woman the man is made whole and closer to God Himself. Not the evil Eve for casting man out of Eden... not the whores of Sodom and Gomorra... not the women who led the men to dance before golden calves at the base of Sinai.... in more recent terms... Not the woman's love that turned a young Jedi into Darth Vader?...
This is where the meat of the book, the documents and the art is at... so all you holy rollers... piss off. Better yet- go find your wife and get close to God.

Suck Ass

Shit day. Suck ass day.
Not that I was looking forward to the cervical dilation required for an IUD, but I was looking forward to the relief I have long sought from my issues- issues that I am now dealing with every two weeks... The IUD was supposed to help- if it doesn't it is surgery for me....
It is all a moot point as the Pharmacy is fresh out of said devices. Some ass hat down there forgot to read the memo that said "If you run out, call GYN and tell them so they don't schedule procedures without needed supplies". Some poor airman looked a little peaked as he said the words "Back order" to me. Maybe he thought I was going to cry. (Which I nearly did.) Maybe he thought I was going to come through that window to rip his arms off and beat him with them. Either way, the military ass-hats at LRMC screwed me.
It is a suck ass day.
All of this has been made complicated by the fact that I fell on the stairs yesterday because of my fucked up ankle... and during my rapid decent to the floor, I pulled my frickon Quad, so now I am walking really funny, as compared to my normal itty-gimp.
I will be coming home from my errands today and going to bed for a nap- and God help the poor soul who wakes me up. Truly fucked up, suck ass days like this can only be dealt with from the warmth and silence found under a comforter in bed.

Random Events

Odd things these days- none of which are connected to each other...

Let's start with the bald spot I have been looking at for the better part of a week.
There is a German man building a brick wall by the building across the way. I call him Klaus. I don't know why- but it seems to fit. Klaus mixes mortar, lays bricks and drinks his coffee from a cute little porcelain cup and thermal carafe he brings with him every day. He drinks his coffee with his pinky up- very refined for a brick and mortar man. Klaus also scratches his ass with a small level that he keeps in his pocket. I don't know why Klaus is building the brick wall- as it is being constructed in front of a concrete retaining wall... Your tax dollars hard at work.

Just flipped past ESPN... Usually I pass Sports Center like an anorexic runs past Dunkin Donuts, but I became distracted by a picture of Doug Flutie, the back up QB for New England. He is retiring. Flutie retires, and Favre is still playing. At this rate, Reebok is going to have to design a walker for the Green Bay quarter back that doesn't interfere with the motion of passing. (Maybe Klaus can build him something.)

I am planning the first big birthday bash for my daughter's 6th. Before, we have done little gatherings of family and close friends here at the house. This year she wants to invite all her friends. As I am not terribly fond of noise, mess nor other people's children, I have opted for the bowling alley party package. Were that the price included the "Disney Princess" theme that I have been made aware is SO critical to the success of the party.

Apparently this is practice, as with all the chatter in the house about her party, my son is ramping up for his celebration in Nov, which is to be Yu-Gi-Oh.

Kevin and I call that show "Shit-talkie-oh"... as it is a solid thirty minutes of "I'm Gonna kick your ass with this... No, I'm gonna kick your ass with that..." Truly intellectually vapid, but then again, I am sure Voltron was just as stupid to my parents when I watched it religiously as a kid.

Enough random thoughts spun for today. I have laundry to fold before the fix it man gets here to tell me why my shower water smells like Corn Chips.

Measure of Success

How to know you have taken on a worthy cause....
When the cleaning lady is in the stairwell first thing in the morning, and you get down stairs without being bowled over by the smell of disgusting German Hygiene Habits, i.e. arm pit b.o stank... (Click to read entry called "Stank Frau")

To add to the success story- your beautiful child looks up at you when you get outside and says "Hey, Mommy... that lady doesn't make the hallway stink anymore." Of course the other fabulous child chimes in, "Yea, she must have taken a bath."

My work here is done.

Stupid Politics...

"The U.S. Senate votes on a bill this week that would allow health plans to offer stripped-down insurance coverage. The proposal, which has the support of many business groups, is intended to make insurance more affordable. But the American Cancer Society and AARP Minnesota strongly oppose the measure, saying the bill undermines important cancer screening requirements, while giving employers an incentive to dump older workers who cost more to insure." You can read more of the article HERE It's called Senate Bill 1955, dubbed the Health Insurance Marketplace Modernization and Affordability Act of 2006, or the "Enzi Bill."

What Asshat (aka Enzi/Byrd) in Washington thought that this was a good idea?

What kind of prick proposes that screens for a BIG killer of women in the US are not something that should be covered, in order to save a few bucks for businesses... How many women will be able to use their insurance coverage for the treatment of breast cancer- if they can't get the coverage to be screened for it, and catch it early enough for less invasive treatment? Most women who die of breast cancer do so because they don't find it early enough.

I also heard tell in the same news story (on AFN) that another dump for the money saving plan is children's physical wellness exams... good, so now we will have kids that will invariably go without exams, as their parents won't be ale to afford to take them in... I personally think that will lead to many kids not being immunized also- as most kids get their shots from their pediatrician.

I can almost guarantee that it was the idea of some stupid fucking MAN... I say save the mammograms and children's check-ups, and dump the finger-up-your-ass-turn-your-head-and-cough exam instead. No, you say? Of course not- let's not let the majority of asshats go without their prostate exams, right? Those exams are covered under the same mandates as mammograms...

While I am sure the Senate doesn't intend for this to cut pre-screenings, and expects many things to stay the same, being mandated by the states- the money driven insurance companies will take it as a go, to deny ever more claims and pre-auths, and stick the ultimate loser- the patient- with the bills. How? By putting their dogs on the states to change the mandates... "Opponents, including state Attorney General Darrell McGraw and the American Cancer Society, said the bill would allow insurance companies to get around current state mandates requiring insurers to pay for certain types of health care." By back dooring it... they will not be exactly encouraging about mammograms/diabetic screening/mental health/wellness exams... I am so pissed off at this point, I have to stop writing now... but look into it- write or call your senator, and find out what they are doing about it.

Box-o Cat

Although I am unsure the mechanism, put a box on the floor, and keep a cat entertained for hours on end. Once one cat has completely explored every centimeter of the box, the next cat must then vie for the right to do the same. My personal favorite... Calling the cat-in-the-box's name, he/she will duck his/her head down, so all I can see is his/her eyes.. and I can hear him/her saying, "SHHH! Damn you woman! They don't see me. Look away before they notice!"

A Brief Moment

I have spent the last week or so trying to re-establish a normal routine to my life... without much success. Today may have been the first step towards that- doing the much loathed laundry (not from packed bags), and going to spend a few hours with our bestest best friends. Drinking beers, laughing and telling stories.
In a few minutes I will be going to bed... or starting up the xbox for some R&R, Chrissy style. I find find shooting people to be a good stress release and relaxer, as naturally I would. Tomorrow I should be able to sleep in a bit, as the kids are still up at 1:30 a.m.
Monday morning restarts life as I know it... cleaning, errands, and care taking... OH... and looking for work. I have been offered a position at the Irish Pub type place up the road, which I am considering taking. I am really not the office job type of girl (Who would have guessed).
So when I get back to my remedial life, I should have more interesting posts again... because nothing fuels a blog like the fodder of daily news to piss one off.

Jiggity Jig

While we were in tears and heart broken flying out of the US back to Germany, it is nice to be home. I will be posting soon about all the lovely things I learned on vacation... for now I am going to go and try to unpack... which sucks more than packing, as it entails doing laundry.
The kids are suffering jet-lag somethin fierce.. you ever seen a 5 year old sleep until 1 p.m.? Neither had I until today.
So, for one last vacation ditch... here are the kids freezing their asses off at Salisbury Beach in New England. They wouldn't admit they were cold- until we made them leave the sandy shores and head for the car.

Quiet

Packing sucks. I hate packing.
That having been said... I have also found out that screaming too loud on a set of rides can cause one to lose one's voice, as I have done. I am now getting much ribbing from the family, including my 5 year old, who says I should drink some water and go to bed.
In the mean time, I'm hustling to get all of our shit sorted and put togther. Tomorrow at 11 am, the shuttle will be here to pick us up and take us to Logan for our flight home. We land at 5:30 AM in Frankfurt. Stupid assholio MWR doesn't run their shuttles until 7:30, so we will be spending some quality time at the USO waiting for our ride home. I don't understand how a "Base Suppport Battalion" squardron doesn't provide services 24 hours a day... I also don't understand how the exact same organization was able to pick us up at 6:00 am, but can't get us from the airport at 6:00. Fuckers. I guess I will survive.
We should still make it back to the house by about 9 am. I have big plans for the following day at home. I am going to unpack- and do NOTHING. Absolutely jack shit for at least 36 hours. After that time, I will ponder the problems of my universe- like sending the kids back to school with jetlag, and keeping all my appointments with the doctors I made before we left, and what to do with all the pictures we took that need sorting into albums.
See you all on the flip side, folks. It's been a hell of a month.