The Side Effects Of Being Crazy

You can read all the pamphlets and internet sites about side effects of medications, but you will never get the full gist of it until you get it from someone who has taken the pills, so here for your education, (or entertainment), is my own personal catalog of oddities I have experienced thus far with Topamax.
~As I have already previously documented, I can not drink any kind of carbonated beverage. It tastes like dog ass.... Excepting beer- even that tastes a little bit weird, but it is tolerable. I think maybe because the bubbles are naturally a part of the beer and not artificially introduced. I have yet to try my favorite of all wines, a wonderful confection called "Pearl Wine", but if I can't drink that, I may end up curling into a small ball in a corner and lamenting the meaning of life as a sane woman.
~Skin tingling is a new sensation. I am not talking, "I sat on my foot too long and it fell asleep" tingles... it is more like, "Creamed christ on toast, there are roaches crawling all over my face!" tingles. Most unusual. Luckily it doesn't last for too long, and it only seems to happen for the first few days when my dosage is dicked with, so not too bad.
~Hiccups. Inconvenient ones. They seems to hit at the worst times- like when I am taking a piss, or relaxing in a bath- or on the phone with someone I actually need to communicate some type of important information to. My favorite ones hit me when I am driving on the autobahn. Not the little hiccups either. They make me jump hard and try to suck my tonsils down my throat. It's like a mini-work out, as I end up with a sore gut when they finally pass.
~The worst of all my side effects thus far is the tennis ball gullet. That is to say, I spend about 30% of my day feeling like I started to eat a car tire whole... then forgot to finish swallowing it. I think it's a phlegm ball of some kind.... I can swallow and swallow and swallow and it won't move- water does nothing for it... yes I can cough and hack it up- even hock it like a teenage football player- but it returns a minute later. It's worse when I lay down. I am convinced that this is why people usually lose weight when taking Topamax. Hard to scoff down a quart of Ben and Jerry's when you feel like you have a porno-sized dick caught in your throat.
~The upside. I have lost some weight on this shit. I don't overeat, as I find that the whole eating thing gets boring really quick, I just push my plate away sooner than I used to.
I also feel stable. which is what I am taking the stuff for in the first place. Stable is good... if I didn't have that, what would be the point of walking around with a tennis ball in my throat and crawling skin,right?