Massive Suckage- FOADT

This week stands to be the worst in my life in a very long time. So, in an odd twist, I would like to say F.O.A.D. to everything in my life this week.

My best friend I have made in years is leaving Germany. In case you hadn't guessed I am not much a social butterfly. It is hard to meet people, ever harder for me to like them enough to want to hang out with them. I know, big fucking shock, huh? MsFreud is anti-social! Call the papers! Not just Heidi, but everyone I have managed to meet and even become acquainted with has gone, and making all new friends again is just not something I think I can do.
My children are terribly upset at the thought of losing their buddies- (her boys). My poor little guy had a crying jag two days ago. He said, "I hate the Air Force. It makes people go away!" It is hard for them to understand this military life and the moving that comes with the territory. Although I went through it, I hurt for him. My heart is breaking into a million pieces, and it fucking sucks.

Tuesday I get to spend the day in prep for the anesthesiologist. I really fucking hate those bastards. It's a five hour appointment designed to take care of all the pre-op tests- heart and lungs, labs and brain function. Everyone gets to be there 5 hours. Never mind the fact that I only have one fucking piece of paper to sign, and vitals to be taken. No dice, bitch- have a seat and wait behind the old farts who need a through run down before we crack them open for a triple bypass. It's total bullshit... and stress I don't need before Wednesday. Assclowns.

Of course Wednesday is the big day... It's goodbye Uterus day. Let's have a party- or at least a drink. The doc says I could be out of the hospital as soon as Thursday night- but she won't let me out until she is sure I can hike the never ending staircase to my fourth story house without my pelvic floor falling through. So hopefully by Friday, I should be getting doped up on Percocet in the privacy of my own home. (Hopefully)

I am sad, and scared, and restless, and exhausted. I have this big fucking cry locked inside, and for some reason I can't get it to come out... it's like emotional constipation. I get as far as that horrible painful lump in my throat, then gets stuck. Is it possible to hurt too much to cry- and just shut down?

My life sucks ass.... Holy shit- I hope I didn't depress you too much. Jesus Christ!! Somebody tell a joke or something!