Stupidest. Man. Alive.

Since my friend got moved out of her house, I have become somewhat obsessed with getting rid of some junk in the house. I saw how much shit she had to throw out, and it occurred to me how much shit one family accumulates over the course of a few years. I found the answer in the base newspaper. The ad said- handyman, yard work, cleaning and small moves. I thought to myself "Self, that is the answer." I can hire this guy to come get my junk and take it to the recycle center.

Having made the phone call and set up the date for my junk hauling, I started gathering my bits of shit. Bed rails and an old mattress, a broken fan and some glass shelves from an old cabinet... just a veritable mish mash of shit that I no longer wanted in my house. The appointment was made for Tuesday, as when I asked him about Friday-he said he couldn't do it. On Tuesday, an hour before he was supposed to be here, he called and said he couldn't make it. Fucker-face. So now I have this tetris stacked pile of shit in my living room having been gathered from various rooms in the house. Way pissed off, but I would deal.

Okay, so Friday it is then. (That's right- the day I wanted to do it in the first fucking place, but I digress.) Friday afternoon, I got down to the gate five minutes early. I sat there and waited... Germans are notoriously late. As I sit there and make funny with the gate guards at the check point for about 20 minutes, I get a call from my beloved. The guy has called him looking for me. Stupid bastard. So I walk off base, though the gate, and tell him to drive up to the gate... I also notice half of his POS truck is full of chip sealing. It's a flat bed truck- no sides- full of chip seal. How does he plan to haul my shit? Anyways....

This guy is rather dirty, and a little smelly, but we have come to expect that in Germany, haven't we? Not just tore up looking clothes, but nasty teeth that looked like he had just had lunch in my cat box. So I take late'n'stinky to the check point- to be inspected and get signed on, so he can accomplish the ultimate goal of getting rid of my shit puzzle that is still sitting in the living room.

He has no registration for his car. Fucking stupid bastard. THIS fucking guy- advertises in the base newspaper... not like I went trolling the local german rag for help- no, I found this silly prick in the military base newspaper... and he shows up at the gate of a military base to be signed on- without proper documentation to get on base. How fucking stupid can you get? One might think that someone who advertises in a military paper might be a little familiar with the process of getting on a fucking military base. After the hour and a half fiasco of trying to get this pud whacker on base, I was mo' pissed. The guy is officially the Stupidest. Asshole. Walking.

Thankfully the security guard "knew a guy", and I got my junk hauled never the less by the really nice stoner guy with the tattoos, long hair and coke nail... and he didn't stink. Bonus. Still- how stupid can a human being get? Damn. DAMN. Creamed Christ on Toast! Get a clue, shithead.