My New Buddies....

So, as previously admitted, I am a closet junkie. HA! Made ya look. I am that odd and rare breed of female gamer. (Spilt-Tail Halo Addict)

There are two things I can't stand... Going online and getting stuck with pimple farming teenage boys who think that saying "Stupid Fucking Mother Fucker" makes them cool, and the male players that decide to bust my ass when they play with me because "Girls don't play Halo". I get these comments when I decide to open my mouth during a game- which isn't often. I don;t have the most sing song of voices, either.... (Think Kathleen Turner) The comments get worse from there... where I am either branded a transsexual, a bull-dyke, or a prepubescent boy.

Never mind that it was our generation who first pumped thousands in allowance money into arcade games like Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. The first nintendo was launched in my youth. It is cool that the guys grew up and bought XBoxes. Apparently us girls who used to hang around the arcades, and who begged our parents for a Sega Genesis were supposed to grow up and leave gaming behind. Well, fuck that noise.

Whilst in the hospital, a friend brought me a magazine, and I found an obscure little article about gaming forums, and in it, my salvation from the asshats on Live. The name of the site is 2 old 2 play. A site founded on the principle that people over 25 and as old as Methuselah like to play video games... even WOMEN! So, if you are a guy are gal who likes to play without being assaulted by retarded children with console controllers- pop on over and take a look.

Now I can only hope that Bungie comes through with the female spartan for multiplayer... maybe if my character has tits on the screen, the guys will be less apt to be dickheads. It's unlikely, but it couldn't hurt!

Sleeping is for Pussies

Everyone has bad dreams from time to time. Do you ever get those kind of bad dreams that when you wake up you are still freaking the fuck out.... and you can't shake it off for an hour or more? In the last week and a half, I have had 4 such incidents. Nightmares from being in a prison without walls to losing my kids- (not losing as in taken away, losing like losing your keys or an earring.) Cobras and earthquakes in aquarium rooms... Just fucked up unrealistic stupid shit. Holy Hell! Save me- I'm stuck in a "B" Movie!

When I wake up from these horrid images... I am still shaken, and I stay shaken for quite sometime. My mind continues to race to figure out what the dream was, what it meant; and the emotion driven adrenaline keeps flowing for an hour, as I keep seeing the images from the dream in my head. I should talk to someone about dream interpretation, but until I do- we'll go ahead and stick with my first statement- that sleep is for pussies, and something I can do with less of if these kinds of freakouts insist on invading my brain.

You Bastards

Lookie here, assholes! All you online tickets, low priced viagra, and big tittied women ad spammers- stop trying to leave your fucking bullshit in the comments on my site!!!
My comments are moderated and screened so FUCK OFF! I have closed the comments on the 2 entries drawing the most spam... Hopefully, now I shouldn't have to clean 20+ comments from you trying to sell your junk out of my site every 6 hours. Fuckweeds. If your product was worth a shit... you'd have a real method of advertising.

Screaming 8 Year Olds

8 years ago there was a 7 pound infant in my arms. Today- there was a 50 pound boy running at mach 5 like his head was on fire and his ass was catchin' through the Kid's Zone along with his buddies from school. From the way they got red faced and sweaty, you would think they were running from the swamp thing... and the noise! MIGAWD! I'd rather listen to someone gag their guts up from ecoli than do another 2 hours of that this year. Of course it was worth it- every minute and every penny! Time of his life kind of shit! I love to see them so happy.

8 year old boy! Holy Shit! He can read and write- he loves math and science, and he has a group of friends to pal around with. A far cry from that itty bitty thing years ago... the one that when I first looked at him I thought, "What the hell do I do with this? I don't know what I am doing." They forgot to give me the instruction manual for the baby.

We are mucking along at a rather good clip, though, aren't we? He's a good kid- and obviously loved- as is evidenced by the pile of loot he got from grandparents and friends. Not pictured is the very expensive microscope we got him... That has to be used with supervision- Oh... and the Xbox of ours that we handed down to him for his room. He's earned it- (and we are tired of him playing ours all the time).

SO Happy Birthday Brenden. I can't wait to watch you grow more!

Hate Mongers... FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Since tomorrow is Thursday- but a holiday- I am posting my FOAD a little early, so you can get your fuck off fix, and then go enjoy your turkey.... as I will be cheeks deep tomorrow cooking, I won;t have time to post it then.

Fuck off and die to hate mongers and racists, and gay-bashers. Fuck off and die to the asshole bastards who are still pissing and moaning more than a century later about how "the man" is keeping them down. I think racism from anyone towards anyone is fucking stupid, stupid , stupid. What I find more deplorable is that if it is a white person being racist- he is not just plain ignorant- he is socially outcast... but any other race talking shit about caucasians? They are not labeled as haters, or looked down on by their peers.

This goes for any kind of discrimination based on superficial or social perceptions- from skin color, to religion, and sexual orientation. It has to fucking stop somewhere. Why hate a group on whole when you can come to hate so many people on an individual basis for a host of VALID reasons? So if you are a white supremacist, a gay basher, or an anti-muslim hate monger... FUCK OFF AND DIE. People like you should have their heads cut off and displayed on a pig pole in a public square.

Here is nice video from YOUtube showing how far hatred gets into peoples hearts.

OLD.

So, I was sitting here doing the yearly Christmas books for friends and family, and while going through the pictures, I began to feel the wrinkles around my eyes, the sag in my tits and gravity pulling on my ass cheeks. I am not old (32), but when I see these two bits of photo memory side by side... it makes me acutely aware how fast the days are flying by. I am going to wake up tomorrow- and be fucking 50.

I also think by the time she reaches 16, K2 and I will have aged 30 years from all the tail-chasing retarded boys sniffing around. I am going to enroll my son in some kind of deadly martial art, so he can fight them off. Wow, won't they be the popular kids in school- every hormone crazed teenager will be after my kids- so they can date the opposite sibling. Shit.

Yay Me

I actually have a woo-hoo day today.

I have 95% of my shopping done for the Turkey Day festivities. Everyone coming is assigned their prospective dishes. I am delegating. Look at me!

The big news? I have lost 20 pounds since my surgery. That's like 5 chickens- or 2 big bags of potatoes- or 3 newborn babies- that have fallen off my ass!! Jammin'.... so now I can steal MORE of K2's clothes. I don't really see it when I look in the mirror... my clothes are fitting like shit- so that's something, right?

Dumb Shit Me, and Asshole Them

The VPC- the bane of the fucking KMC.
Now, that isn't to say it wasn't entirely my fault, because it was, motherfucker, but don't stand there and be an as....
Wait- back up, let me explain for those who just joined us.

Bright and early- without coffee, I walked out the door with a list of shit to do as long as K2's leg. I was even smiling. First stop the Vehicle Processing Center. The registration on the POS is due. Registration entails paperwork, an inspection, and more paperwork. Usually, on a very good day, the process takes about an hour. Usually.

Yay! My turn to drive up to the asshat airbaby in the inspection bay. He asks if I have a spare tire. "Of course I do."
"I need to see it."
"Um... okay...."
So I open the trunk and start digging down thru the jackets, backpacks and various other bits of shit we have thrown in the trunk, to pry the plastic nut off the spare cover. Just when my arm was about to fall off from spinning the stupid thing, it comes loose and I pull the cover up- see there... lookie- pretty spare tire. I am already irritated by this point, as in 4 years I have never been asked to show my tire before. I close the trunk and say OH! FUCK!!!!!!

That's right. In the process of showing this pudwhacker my tire, I had dropped my keys in the fucking trunk. (Cue the immediate freak out.) He asks if I have a button to pop it.
"No."
"What about a spare key at home?"
"No. I don't have a spare key."
I stand there, so pissed off at myself that I am crying and shaking. I have no idea what I am going to do at this point... I decided that kicking the car was a good option, so I did that. Oddly enough it didn't help.

The German in charge of inspections comes over and asks me if I have a trunk popping button.
"No."
"A spare key?"
"No, there is only one key."
"Does anyone have a spare key?"
"NO. There is ONE key to this car, and it's in there."
"And you don't have a trunk pop button? ... The keys are in the trunk?"
"YES."
"What about your glove box? No button, or extra key?"

Yep- I fucking lost it. "Jesus H Christ! Don't you think if there was an easy fucking answer I would be doing that instead of standing here crying and freaking out?!!"

(Gee whiz mister... I'm just a girl- what's a button?) You patronizing motherfucker! He sees me crying and losing my mind, and asks me four times if I have a key or button... Christ on Crutches, you prick, how stupid do you think the average American woman is?! He then proceeded to bitch at and lecture me about how my car was blocking the inspection bay. Well, no shit, Einstein. Don't help me figure out an answer- certainly don't offer me your phone to get some help, asshole- just remind me that I am in YOUR fucking way while I am having a nervous breakdown.

I was so pissed off, I could have thrown my goddamned car out of the way. I put it in neutral, (which neither of these "car experts" knew was possible with an automatic,) and proceeded to push it out of the way- by myself as the German was standing there lecturing me on how I shouldn't get mad at him. Pushing a full sized, 4 door sedan, alone, I lectured right back and told him if he didn't treat people like they were stupid because they had tits, he wouldn't have gotten yelled at. The bighearted fucktarded Airman decided to help push my POS when I was 95% of the way done. All I could think was, "Don't do me any favors, fuckwad! Get your pussy-petters off my car!" He was oddly silent after my exchange with the Local National. Good idea. He would have gotten it both barrels, despite blame or fault.

I had to call my husband's work and out myself to one of the guys there just to get the phone number to get help- asshole German was otherwise occupied and couldn't spare 10 seconds to give me his phone book- so I got laughed at by K2's coworker.. (I can deal with that later- I'll throttle his ass next time I see him.) Asshole German was even nice enough to shoot me a dirty look for making 3 phone calls on his DSN phone. Lovely.

The awesome mechanic I have had for 4 years came, and got me and my POS. He drilled out the trunk lock, and he charged me a very small amount of money for it. He's fucking awesome. Best mechanic in the KMC.

Now I have a new key for the trunk of the car- a fucking flat head screw driver. I didn't get it inspected today, as I was too inclined to go back there and throw both those bastards head first into the pit. Yes, it was my fault the whole thing happened, but then to be talked to like a fucking big titty blonde in a cheerleader outfit...? How I am praying there is someone else there tomorrow.

A Cramp in My Sphincter

It's done caught up with me. It may just be the shitty weather- cold, windy and wet- but I feel like I have about 90 pounds of lead in my ass, and I can't seem to want to. Despite Thanksgiving to shop for, my son's 8th birthday to plan, and a ton of Christmas shit to get bought, wrapped, and/or mailed... I just can't get moving- nor be excited about any of it.

The holidays are looming, and while I always enjoy thinking of and finding just the right gift for the very few people we buy for, it has been harder this year. The sting of my friends being gone is still burning like a sucker slap on the cheek of my wet ass after a shower. With them gone- it feels like I've left my family in the states all over again. Yes, we can make mew friends- (can doesn't mean will), but friends like S&H are some of those once in a lifetime finds. Upside? Friends for life. Downside? The military takes us away from each other... I am so happy for them being stateside and getting their house- but fuckall, I feel left behind. Mom has a new life, friends are gone, family is making holiday plans, and I am here. I am not alone- as I have my wonderful K2 and my gorgeous kids- but being the spoiled fucking bitch I am at the core, once in awhile I want more.

Usually this time of year is when my constant companion, "Homesick" takes a little break, and goes away. He is late in leaving for some reason- and it seems he has his friends in town- Lonely and Weepy to keep me company. It's like the Seven Suckass dwarfs living in my head, and it's bringing me down.

I have this anxiety- I think I will feel better once we put the tree and lights up, and I am antsy to put together my plastic blue spruce, and weigh it down with sparkly preciouses and a million lights. Last year we put it up a few days before Thanksgiving and caught shit from all sides about being terrible fucking parents- "making the kids wait that extra week until Christmas". Asshats! Y'all are the one who sent the presents- we had no place to put them. We have a small fuckton of people coming for Thanksgiving dinner, though- I had best wait. Jesus Jumping Christ on Skis- 8 to 10 people in here with a tree and the table fully extended might be a little cramped to say the least.

So... That's where I am at. Feeling sorry for myself, pouting and stressing- knowing Goddamn good and well that I can't procrastinate for long- and when I DO get around to doing all this shit I need to do- I am gonna be incredibly pissed off at me for not doing it sooner and having to rush.

Okay- shit. Fuck. Damn it. I'm going! Okay?! I'm going. Now.... *heavy sigh*. I hate today this week.

Screw it

I need a little time to revamp my thoughts, get my head together and find my muse- so I can beat the ever living shit out of her for abandoning me.
I'm not leaving- just going away for a little while.

Icky.

Living overseas has opened my eyes to lots of new shit. Some I wish it hadn't. Flipping channels and waiting for the dryer to finish today, I landed on MTV- german style. They play a lot of American music- and hey- it's the only way for me to stay "hip"- so I left it on and went to make coffee.

I was forced to run back in the room, as I was sure my television had just broken.... It hadn't. There was a live video of this German band named "Rammstein". The song was "Ich Will.. something or other". This very freaky looking man was singing screaming into the microphone. That's all fine and good- Axel Rose and Steven Tyler scream too...

But this greasy sweaty nasty guy- had the first fucking third of the mic stuffed in his mouth, and he must have been gagging on the god damned thing- because he sounded like he was dry heaving into the amplifier. Had he not stopped to take a breath when he did, I am convinced he would have blown chunks all over the stage. Maybe even the front row of screaming fans... ala-gallagher style.

It was the most disgusting sound I have heard in a long time. Did you see Lord of the Rings? Did you hear the Balrog that chased them through the mines of Moria? That thing had a better singing voice. I almost had a sympathy puke listening to it. Literally- Vomiting into a microphone.

This guy is no eye candy either. He may be the illegitimate bastard son of...
Peter Stormare (the crazy russian guy from Armageddon)

and Vin Diesel.

This is what a baby of these two men would look like...

And it screams while trying to swallow microphones- whole- (or give them deep throat action). It screams and makes vomiting retching sounds reminiscent of my husband after those Long Island Teas. Seriously- listening to that made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Shit!

Did I mention how AWESOME my GYN is? She didn't have any appointments available for the next two weeks for my post-op exam, so she told me to come in today, when she was on call for Labor and Delivery. Her intention was to just come down, check me out, then send me on my way. Then some selfish pregnant person decided to need an emergency C-section or something, and she called and said come tomorrow instead. So I won't get my nookie clearance for at least another 24 hours. Sucks, but oh well. We'll cope.
My friend Kerewin sent me this link last night- and color me a geek, but I laughed my fucking ass off.

It's Thursday- So FOAD!

First off, let me start off today's entry with an email I got- passed coffee thru my nose, so I am sharing.

Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote conservative or occasionally shit yourself.......
You hang in there sunshine, you're fucking special...

Now on to today's FOAD recipients.

~Generally, I would like to re-emphasize how bad I fucking hate AAFES. You piss poor pathetic pricks. I had to go buy my husband's PT gear today- it's really ass kicking cold and he needed the pants and jacket.
I am now throughly convinced these bastards looked up the clothing allowance for most people and set their prices...not on what it cost- but how much they could rape these guys for. Who the fuck charges one hundred dollars for a pair of pants and a jacket?! Christ on crutches! It's not a nice outfit- it's something to sweat in. Does it really cost them $55.00 to make a polyester coat with some reflective paint? Fuckers.

~While I was at Ramstein, I got to wondering if they could have purposely planned a more inefficient and ineffective system for parking and traffic. What a bunch of pudwhackers. Thanks for the 1/4 of a tank of gas I wasted circling 5 different parking lots looking for a place to leave my car, you fucks. The one way roads and wonky parking spaces made it an extra special treat. In front of the store I was going to, there is a huge... space. Fucking NOTHING in it. Just space. You can't park there. It's just there to catch air, I think. Assholes.

Lastly, let me say- The American media outlets can suck my dick, kiss my ass, and pound sand in their asses. One-sided, self-centered bullshit excuse for news. Hey, did you know there's an entire fucking WORLD out here? And most of them don't give a rat's ass if John Kerry botched a joke, or who is slamming who in the midterm elections by saying so and so is a bad-bad man.
Hey- here's a news flash- people else where in the world already think the American public as a whole is retarded for putting that monkey mutha fucker in office. Let's make sure and shore up that belief by talking about dumb shit and calling it our "news".

Okay that's enough ranting for today. I am going to go NOT watch the American news, and post on AAFES sucks about their fucked up prices for something the guys are REQUIRED to buy.