A Cramp in My Sphincter

It's done caught up with me. It may just be the shitty weather- cold, windy and wet- but I feel like I have about 90 pounds of lead in my ass, and I can't seem to want to. Despite Thanksgiving to shop for, my son's 8th birthday to plan, and a ton of Christmas shit to get bought, wrapped, and/or mailed... I just can't get moving- nor be excited about any of it.

The holidays are looming, and while I always enjoy thinking of and finding just the right gift for the very few people we buy for, it has been harder this year. The sting of my friends being gone is still burning like a sucker slap on the cheek of my wet ass after a shower. With them gone- it feels like I've left my family in the states all over again. Yes, we can make mew friends- (can doesn't mean will), but friends like S&H are some of those once in a lifetime finds. Upside? Friends for life. Downside? The military takes us away from each other... I am so happy for them being stateside and getting their house- but fuckall, I feel left behind. Mom has a new life, friends are gone, family is making holiday plans, and I am here. I am not alone- as I have my wonderful K2 and my gorgeous kids- but being the spoiled fucking bitch I am at the core, once in awhile I want more.

Usually this time of year is when my constant companion, "Homesick" takes a little break, and goes away. He is late in leaving for some reason- and it seems he has his friends in town- Lonely and Weepy to keep me company. It's like the Seven Suckass dwarfs living in my head, and it's bringing me down.

I have this anxiety- I think I will feel better once we put the tree and lights up, and I am antsy to put together my plastic blue spruce, and weigh it down with sparkly preciouses and a million lights. Last year we put it up a few days before Thanksgiving and caught shit from all sides about being terrible fucking parents- "making the kids wait that extra week until Christmas". Asshats! Y'all are the one who sent the presents- we had no place to put them. We have a small fuckton of people coming for Thanksgiving dinner, though- I had best wait. Jesus Jumping Christ on Skis- 8 to 10 people in here with a tree and the table fully extended might be a little cramped to say the least.

So... That's where I am at. Feeling sorry for myself, pouting and stressing- knowing Goddamn good and well that I can't procrastinate for long- and when I DO get around to doing all this shit I need to do- I am gonna be incredibly pissed off at me for not doing it sooner and having to rush.

Okay- shit. Fuck. Damn it. I'm going! Okay?! I'm going. Now.... *heavy sigh*. I hate today this week.