Draggin Ass

I slept like complete shit, and feel like an economy sized can of smashed assholes. The fact that I didn't go to bed until 2 a.m. not withstanding, I tossed, turned, fidgeted, and fought the rumination in my head until K2's alarm went off at 6. I have decided that I hate the DJ that works at AFN radio. I hope he loses his voice. He's irritating, and corny, and waking up to that makes my first moments awake the biggest piss off of the day... especially since MY alarm doesn't go off until 7- and it's a normal beeping alarm. Seriously, that guy is the worst voice I have ever heard on radio, even in the car... they try to do this morning show- with the funny and the clever- but having to stay within the confines of a military run show, it severely misses the mark. The military has no sense of humor... neither do their DJ's. Then, of course, there is the shit-tay music at 6 a.m. Jesus jumping Christ on Skis people, something a little less grating than hip hop rap shit would be great. Fuck!

We need a new clock before I throw ours against the wall in a subconscious fit of rage. The only reason it hasn't happened yet is K2 sleeps between me and the piece of shit, and I'd have to climb over him to destroy that fucking voice and shitty music. Instead K2 gets bitched at and poked until he turns it off... He has started sleeping through the damned thing, hence my problem. Makes the pissed off more refined and directed, as even when half asleep I have the presence of mind to blame him for me being awoke by Asshat DJ, because he slept through the alarm for a good 5 minutes before it woke me up. We definitely need a new alarm clock, before I go postal.

I don't do mornings, and I never have. In case you were curious? I was that chick who showed up senior year of high school just before the bell rang (or late) for first period with ripped jeans, flannel shirt and a cup of coffee in my hand- no make up, no fancy hair do, and no concern over what anybody else thought about it... especially not the Pretty Prissy Princesses and their Cronies de la Popularity. Fuck em. (Not much has changed in that respect.)

This fucking sucks. I am going back to bed for awhile.

Better Call Jerry Springer....

I am an only child... in so much- as one of my parents had other children, but they didn't live with nor grow up with me. The half-sibling is so very far removed from who and what I am, that the only link you can draw between us is genetic. My father is a great man- but as this child didn't really want anything to do with him because we had "rules" in our house, she missed out on his influence. (She stayed with us once for about a month, and begged to go back to mom, cause she didn't like chores and rules, and such.) She never had that fear of God and fucking up put into her, nor the meaning of a close parental relationship where anything at anytime could be talked about and it would be okay. Her loss, no?

I saw her about 6 years ago... living in a barrio apartment complex. A place with layers of bad paint on top of cracked particle board exteriors, and a swimming pool that reminded me of the one in Karate Kid. The inside of her home was... well... not so great. She had "cleaned", but there is only so much cleaning one can do when the majority of your stuff is crap, and bears the marks of constant long lived abuse. If I was her vacuum cleaner, I would hate her.
In the Darwinian mix, she ended up at the shallow end of the gene pool, with the bad teeth, bad skin, astigmatism, and short stature... also not the brightest crayon in the box. Despite this, she found a guy, and had that oh-so-romantic shot gun wedding that all girls dream about.

My 54 year old father called me up the other day to inform me that he was a great grandfather.... What the fuck?! You're a WHAT? Okay, so... I am 33... which makes her 36ish. Her 14 year old daughter was rushed to the emergency room the other night because her stomach was hurting so bad that all swore her appendix was about to burst... and out pops a 7 pound boy. I'll wait a second while you re-read that.

Her daughter is 14. A freshman in high school. She had a baby... a from a pregnancy no one in her family or household knew about. Now I know today's parents can get out of touch with their kids, but god damn, dude... Can one be so gone as to not SEE that kind of a thing? Didn't see her in a tank and undies at any point? How could a 14 year old child not KNOW something was... "off" in the very least? Lack of periods? Swelling? Sore tits? Baby Kicking?! Then to be so emotionally removed from your child that she isn't going to come and tell you about any of these things... What the mother fuck?! 14... Holy shit. That's scary, no? (Not the brightest crayon in the box.) OH! And daddy dearest is 18. I smell an arrest warrant. The child wants to keep her child.... so my far-removed sibling has in effect just had a new baby. Just what she needs when that light might have shown up at the end of a LONG tunnel. So, going home from the ER with a baby that no one knew was coming- no diapers, formulas, crib, bottles.... Fuck me. We "know" the father is 18- if there is only one who can be. That's a big if, I think... But either chase him for child support, or throw his ass in prison... All shitty choices.

You can go ahead and flame me all you want for judging her and her family... Her style in upbringing her kids to not know better, and if anything should happen that they come talk to her about it- or at least someone responsible. Raise a girl with enough self respect to not go looking in some swinging dick's pants for acceptance and affection. Find other things for your kids to do than fight or fuck. I know it gets boring there in the midwest- but there has to be more for a barely teen to do than fuck around with men. Where the fuck was my retardo-sibling when all this was going on?! Sure, sure... maybe she was working, maybe she was busy... Bullshit- even the worst fast food job only goes 45 hours a week... Where's her father?! Shouldn't HE be providing the male role model attention for this girl so she doesn't seek it from some hard pecker?

That's right, I am a self righteous bitch, and I am okay with that... I'll be god damned that shit like this ever happens in my house. My kids are already afraid to fuck up- they'll be scared to death to open their legs... and more over- I am already well on my to teaching them that there are far more entertaining things to do with their time than get in trouble. "The male of the species is a pain in the ass- no matter how old you are- it just takes a grown up woman to deal with it"... "best want to raise kids with a guy you are gonna make them with..." "It may feel good, but it ain't worth it..." Simple. Wonder if any of those talks or thoughts even entered her mind when it mattered. (Not the brightest crayon in the box.)

Reserved

Today is Thursday. The day for me to run off and spout off at the face about the sonsabitches that are pissing me off this week, and tell them to fuck off and die.

At this time, I am reserving my comment for fear it could be a detriment to unleash it, and be one of those cutting off my nose to spite my face kind of things. So think of this as a place holder, and once I get this issue resolved I will come back and let it all hang out. I will say that these guys are being a bunch of cockgobblers.

News Flash...

To all the AAFES sucks members... We just got done transferring the site to a new server- so it was down over night. It should be back up for your bitching convenience. If you have any problems or questions, shoot one of us admins an email- you know where to find us :)

Why We Keep Them

When my daughter had finished with her shower tonight, wrapped in her bath robe and obligatory head towel, she called out to our son, "Brenden, I'm done! Your turn!"

To which he replied, "I don't want to take a shower right now. I'm busy."

The next thing we hear is the almost motherly advice of our six year old girl down the hallway, "Brenden, you HAVE to take a shower... so you don't smell like a foot."

Fucking CLASSIC! Seriously... You can't make up comedy that damn good!

It's Ain't Flowers and Candy

Happy Valentine's Day... not just to the lovers caught up in that rush of first love and lust- but the "old comfortable" couples who are enjoying getting older and laughing at each other as their bodies age and fall apart.

The paired off people who walk into the bathroom to pee while their spouse is in the shower, only to get paid back by their beloved taking a crap while they are brushing their teeth. Happy V-Day to the men who leave their shit laying all over the house, and the women who pick up behind them while cussing their existence... For the long time lovers who still play grab-ass in the kitchen, and never get to have sex without the kids knocking at the bedroom door, wanting to know what they are doing. For the men who think their aging flappity assed wives are sexy, and the women who still lust after balding greying grumpy men... The women who still buy lingerie for their husbands, and the men who overlook the fact that she looks like a marshmallow with rubber bands wrapped around it when she models it for him.

Celebrate the fact that you have someone who comes home every night and fucks up the clean house, farts while sharing the couch with you, and gives you a dirty look when you annoy them.... You also have someone to talk to, a friend to help with the shit that can be life, someone who makes you laugh your ass off, and if you are lucky, is still a great lay.

This and That

~You know you have issues with your hair when the stylist charges a mere 18 dollars to cut it- but wants $49.50 if she has to blow dry it too... So, after spending money to have my hair cut, I walk out of the salon frizzy for my lunch date with K2. I think he was expecting it to look like something... well, something else. Humidity sucks cock. I can't even tell yet if I got a good cut, because the weather sucks so bad.

~The asshole across the quad still has his Christmas lights up. That is to say, he still has them turned on 24/7. I don't think the dumb shit has been out on his balcony since December 10th. They are tacky lights too- with those blinker bulbs installed in random places so that 1/3 of the set randomly flashes on and off, and they are hung crooked to boot. Serious asshat over there.

~My little girl went to a birthday party last night. She had a blast... but can I just say, having a kids birthday party on a school night at a pizza joint/playland is really fucking stupid. Just when I wanted to take my glad rags off and scratch my day-long bound up tits, I had to run out the door. Then I spent an hour and a half wandering aimlessly through AAFES, waiting, and pissing myself off at the shitty selection. Didn't get home til 7:30, and got to rush homework, showers, etc and spend no time with the kids. Oh, and thanks ever so for the daughter who was so wound up from all the fun that she wouldn't go to bed. Having a kids party at night during the school week is fucking stupid- did I say that yet? It's also kind of cuntish.

~Someone in our building got a new puppy. Wanna know how I know that? They leave the poor little guy outside on the balcony for a spell at night. Late at night.... Like an hour. He's a loud little fuck. I don't hate the dog- I want to slap the owners. If you want an animal you can ignore- get a fish. If you want an animal you can ignore, throw outside and occasionally pet, get a rabbit. If you want a dog, get used to having them in your bed, on your couch, watching you pee, and licking their genitals right before they lick your face.

~The worst way to find out that the sole of your sneaker has split is walking through a parking lot in the 36 degree rain, and hitting a fairly sizable puddle. Especially knowing you will have to run the rest of your errands squishing around in a soggy shoe and a cold wet sock.

~There are two things I can count on with my pets. No matter what I time I go to bed- THAT is the time, (and no other) for him to climb his fat ass in the cat box to scratch around, make noise and bow up to take a crap. This can be at 9p.m. or 4 a.m. He scratches for 10 minutes- not the sand mind you- he's too stupid for that- he scratches the box itself, so that the plastic pops loudly. after he humps up, he spends another 15 minutes trying to bury his shit without using any sand, just the plastic walls of the box. If we moved the bed a little further to the right, I could lob a shoe all the way down the hall and hit his fat ass with it in the dark.
Secondly, I can always count on them deciding it is play time right after I have done the floors. It's is the BEST time to have a monkey shit fight and throw little bits of fur around the floor. Little wads of black fur that float and meander through the room on air currents, and refuse to stay put so I can get them with the dust mop. If I ever DO get a roomba, I am gonna put an demon dog head on the front of it and lock the cats in the room with the fucker running.

My mind is awash with a shitload of randomness. Now... so is yours.

Kiss my ass TKS

TKS sucks. They are the German reseller company for cable, phone and internet services to the troops here in Germany. When you first arrive here in Germany, your sponsor will likely take you by the TKS offices as part of your orientation.

When all was said and done in our case, we were carrying a TV cable bill of 40 euro a month, a phone bill of 40 euro base plus long distance (which usually ran another 50), and 99 euro for the internet. This internet got us a 3 MB down/512 K up connection (on a good day). That's a fuckload of cash to be connected to the outside world... But we paid it- as we didn't have much of a choice. We didn't think we did.

Then TKS took away the one good bargain they had- it was a price deal that all the calls back to the states were .05 per minute. They just decided that they could make more by cramming the American service members up the pooper. After me spending several hours on a "Fuck that, and Fuck them" tirade, we got Vonage. We still had to pay for the German phone, but it was a little cheaper, and I didn't use it for any long distance.

Then K2 started doing some digging around. Our buddies offbase were getting 16 MB DSL from T-Com, (The parent of TKS) for 60 Euro a month- and it included the phone- a phone with all calls in Germany to land lines for free. As I looked back and saw TKS still ramming it's money grubbing dick in my ass, I got a little pissed off.

The best part was? We could get this fast fast service directly from T-com, here on base. No one had told us that before. We called TKS- they offer DSL too- half the speed- for about the same price as we were paying them for our cable modem service. It took them a week to tell us that as they had to "test the line". Deutche Telekom tested the line based on our phone number- immediately- no waiting... And we about shit our drawers- 16MB?! I think I got wood.

Woo Hoo!! So we jumped through the hoops to open a German bank account for billing, and set up DSL/phone. When I went down yesterday to turn off everything, I almost had to spring over the counter and beat the fuck out of the woman on the other side. Not only did she force me to pay through the end of the month that I don't want to use- as Germans do not believe in pro-rated anything ever- but she said my last payment wasn't there. I digress.

IF you live on base in the KMC, and are getting ass raped by TKS, you have options. The shtick is, they buy what you can get directly from T-Com for yourself, triple or more the price, cut the service in half, slap an english bill on it and resell it to you... no vaseline included...

So for the last 4 years of fucking us for a shit ton more money then we could have gotten from Deutche Telekom- I hope you fucksticks drop dead of scurvy, or leprosy, or sepsis. I know everyone needs to get theirs and all- but taking that much advantage of the military members is bullshit! FUCK OFF AND DIE, MUTHA FUCKERS!

Hard

I know I have been slacking around here lately. I have become remiss in posting, but not unaware that I have done so.

Last Tuesday I woke up with an ass kicking headache that progressed into a puke inducing pain that made me wish my head would fall off and roll away. Wednesday, the sore throat started... and the fever... I got knocked flat on my big ass for the majority of the week. I am still not quite back to normal me, as I feel like I had a run in with Terry Tate.

In all this time I have had to vegetate and feel like an economy sized can of smashed assholes, I have been doing a lot of thinking about goals and such. Going back to work, for example. For me that means a good job with shitty hours (bartending), or a shitty job with good hours (office work). I have also been perusing the fabric selections online- if I can get a few costumes done up, I can get them sold for the ren faire season and halloween; probably make a pretty penny doing so.

More updates on this past week tomorrow... I just wanted to let all 5 of my loyal readers know I am not dead.... yet.

Spammin' Assholes

Although you are aware that I have "chick style" big balls of brass... I do not need any fucking penis enlargement pills. I also don't want to look at "busty blondes", "hot asian chicks", "cum shots", "milfs", or "girls taking it up the ass". My insurance rates are just fine, I don't need to refinance my home, and my investment portfolio doesn't need your help. If I need prescription medication, I'll go get it for free from the doctor.... Oh, and I have a drawer full of sex toys of all shapes, sizes and functions. Please stop trying to sell me a vibrating cock ring with your animated gif and promises of pleasure.

Yes, yes, we all get that mail box full of fanfuckingtastic spam... I don't much care about that, as most of the people who really want to contact me have the other email addresses to do so. What pisses me off as of late is the 40 or so spam comments I have to delete out of my comment section of this blog every 6 fucking hours.

See, I know damn good and well that the handful of readers I have don't give a flying fuck about your porn site, pal.... and while I did turn on the filters, I still have to hand sift through your bullshit to find the new posts by people who haven't commented here before. So FUCK OFF AND DIE, and take your blog bots and cram them right up your pooper, you ass spelunking shit rats.

Now I can't say as I surprised that sleazy ass T&A sites cram my in box and spam filter with pussy posts... BUT... GEICO?! I just... I can't... I don't... I can't... What the Fuck? Geico? As in insurance? With the Lizard? The multinational billion dollar corporation? Spamming blogs for business?! Fuck you pricks. You should know better and can afford more than this kind of stupid shit... So FUCK OFF. I hope your lizard dies a horrible painful death- impaled on a flaming skewer- (or better yet- eaten by the Afflac duck)... and really, so do most people, because your mascot is just fucking annoying- but spamming blogs is just low. Slime bags.