Another One Bites It

Last visit with PDoc had me optimistic.... He was started me on Celexa as an antidepressant med to go along with the Lamictal stabilizer. I was anticipating a mood elevation, so that I wasn't just stable, like I have been, but stable in a happier place.

After 3 weeks, I can report that I will no longer be doing the Celexa thing... (Beyond the sexual side effects I seem to be suffering- a complete lack of want to), I have started itching. Trying to tear the hide from my fucking legs and feet is not my idea of being happier. In fact, it tends to make me more pissed off. Ever get that itch really deep in your foot that you can't reach? How about the one in near your ankle that seems to move every time you go to scratch it? And you gotta love those ones that feel like something is stabbing you with an ice pick quite suddenly... Well, that's my new predicament, and it fucking sucks.

So we get to scratch another med off the list of shit I can or want to take. The list thus far has been... Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Depakote, Topamax, and now Celexa (I am sure there are some in there that I missed...). The only thing I do take that seems to have a good effect is the Lamictal, so we can stick with that.

For those that are curious, I am not "typical" bi-polar I or II, I have been diagnosed as having Cyclothymic Disorder.... I don't go as high or as low as typical Bipolar, and my swings last only a short time. Sometimes they cycle in a matter of a day or two... that can be problematic when I swing up and rage for a few hours at those around me, then break into a 2 day crying jag.

I will be spending a few hours this week looking at a rainbow of fruit flavors that I can talk to PDoc about when I go in on the 24th... any one have some suggestions? Lithium is out (my ass is big enough), as are any MAOIs (not into the zombie thing). I know my bipolar buds out there have been through some shit too, and I would love any ideas you have.

7 Years

Time is flying by, isn't it? My daughter turns 7 years old today, and just for fun, I went looking through iPhoto to see the changes... She's still my baby, but she isn't a baby anymore. She's a young lady; fun, vibrant, and beautiful... I just hope I am doing a good enough job as a mother, a woman, and a role model to help her become a young woman, full of confidence, joy, and kindness.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

Not so good...

PDoc. Saw him on Tuesday. Had the usual casual visit. Got a whole hour with him this time, which was a bit odd, but nice. He's a sociable guy, and very atypical of most male shrinks I have had.

We have decided to supplement my stabilizer with an anti-depressant... This has been a long time in coming. Most medicated bi-polars take both a stabilizer and AD. So, Dr. R and I ran the list of what I have already taken without success or usefulness in the past, and he came up with Celexa. Other than it being an SSRI, I don't know much about it. I haven't had the time to look into it. I have read the patient inserts, but not looked up how other people reacted to it and such.

I am a little put off by it thus far. How is it supposed to help my depressed mood if I spend each morning feeling like I am going to projectile vomit to put Linda Blair to shame? Call me crazy, but puking doesn't make me feel too fucking happy... I am sure it is just the initial adjustment phase to the med, and we'll see how it goes after a few weeks... As I am a typical bipolar who likes to self regulate meds, (i.e. stop taking them after a few weeks if I feel like total shit), PDoc wants me back in a month. I am supposing that if I am not doing well, he will pull another rabbit out of the hat instead. Boy Howdy!! Ain't dicking with my meds a blast?

Major PIA

Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to get rid of a car in Germany?!
Fuck me, I have been at it for 3 days!

I had to go to American customs where I sat for 25 minutes for them to print out some forms... the time was well spent by my daughter making good friends with a total stranger in the office named Margaret, whose car had caught on fire. She thought my daughter was just the cutest thing ever.... Hemi-mouth and all.

Then it was off to the guys who are buying the POS... well, taking it off my hands, as they aren't actually paying me for it, but they are giving me a credit, and sparing me the $75 in junking fees to the assholes at Ramstein. (I shan't rant about this now, but it is bullshit!) The guy filled out another handful of paperwork to take to my next destination.

German customs. Now the last time I had to deal with these pricks, it was 2 hours of the most harrowing and rude treatment I have ever seen in my fucking life... EVER. They made the DMV in Las Vegas look damned friendly... This time, It wasn't so bad. I think because I had the kids with me, and they figured they better clear me out ASAP, or they'd have to deal with a 7 and 8 year old raising hell in their offices.

And off again... Back to the buyer... again... jiggity-jig. This was day two, after the visit to PDoc, so I was already in a snit, having dealt with traffic and parking on the shittiest base parking system ever. I brought Dave (the buyer) the POS and said my goodbyes to it... called K2 to come pick me up, and waited there for 20 fucking minutes. Not done yet. Now I had to deregister the fucker. i.e., Let the U.S. Government know I no longer owed the vehicle... cause the customs forms for the dept. of agriculture is one part, the DMV/VPC is the cop-shop side of it... see? It's different. (WTF-EVAH)

When I got to the "new improved" Vehicle Processing Center, I stood in line to get sent away... I didn't have the title to the POS... so I had to come home and dig through my shit to find a 4 year old piece of paper. I went back today with the stack of papers I had collected, and finally have most of it done. That's MOST. I still have to take copies of the deregistration to the buyer. FUCK!

I am tired of this. I don't care if my new car blows the fuck up.... I will pay someone to run these shitty errands for me.

No response to that....

I did the cat's shit box show today. (That's where I clean the box and all the cats stand there and watch me, because hey, it's entertaining to see someone willing to clean up your shit.).

A few hours later, I walked past, and couldn't figure out why I smelled pee. I checked the sand. It was dry and clean. I grabbed the clean towels and went into the bathroom to put them away... that's where I saw what I can only describe as the most disturbing thing to date this spring.

My fat-shit cat was squatting in the sink. That fat black bastards was taking a piss in my bathroom sink! What the FUCK? For some reason, a clean cat box is not good enough... he has to take a squirt where I brush my teeth. Nasty prick.

For whatever reason, every animal we own seems to be completely mentally incompetent. Total fucking retards. I had a dog that ate rocks. A cat that was brain damaged by a ceiling fan, and would run laps around a bath tub- then get pissed off when she fell in. I had a cat who liked to suck on ears... But nothing compared to this.

Now I have a total mental patient. He is tearing himself to bits- literally. The fat fuck has somehow managed to remove the half the hair from his paunchy gut, and now come to find out he pisses in sinks.

That's awesome.... a half bald retarded cat with a urine fetish. Stellar.

You Know What Burns My Ass?

Besides a flame this high....

People who leave the butter knife standing in the peanut butter jar. Creamed Christ on Toast! Can't you throw it in the fucking sink? It's 15 inches away from where you're standing! Is that too much trouble Puddin'?

If you feel the compulsive need to hand wash dishes... Don't forget to unplug the sink when you are done! Nothing is nastier feeling than cold, left over, greasy, fucking dish water that I have to stick my hand in to drain the sink. I'd rather be a proctologist for a day- at least that way I know what I am touching. How lazy can you get? Your hands are already in there, pud. Pull the stopper, or expect to get a glass full of said nasty water thrown at you. It may eat your face off, buster.

If you come to my house and help with the dishes. Don't look for a towel to dry dishes with. I don't have any. I don't towel dry my dishes. It's nasty. That towel could have all kinds of crap in it... No I don't give a fuck if it just came from the washing machine. If you wash a load of clothes and forget it overnight, ever notice next morning it smells like mildewed ass-crack? The washing machine is not an autoclave. So... Don't dry my dishes. Just deal with the fact that they will have to sit there and drain until dry.

Absolutely do not walk into my kitchen while I am cooking and start scrounging for a snack to tide you over. Likewise, don't say you aren't hungry, and 10 minutes after dinner is done go on the hunt. It's insulting. You might as well nut up before supper and say, "I don't want what you're making" instead of pulling that not hungry shit. Likewise, if you tell me at 4 p.m. that you are not eating tonight. Don't come into the kitchen at six, empty plate in hand expecting that I made something you will want to eat. Starve... somewhere else.

(This is a big one) Please, for all that is sacred. STOP! STOP! STOP! leaving empty containers in cabinets. I can handle the mild irritation that comes with going to the cupboard to look for Oreos and not finding any. I can not describe the rage of seeing the Oreo bag, reaching for it, mouth a-waterin' and getting a empty plastic husk sans Oreos. This goes for chips, cookies, crackers, pudding boxes, peanut butter jars, and cereal boxes.
A similar piss off comes from pouring a bowl of cereal out... and finding no fucking milk in an empty carton in the refrigerator. What the fuck is wrong with you? Throw the damned thing away, and tell me we need more! Jesus H. Jumping Christ! Don't put back a carton with 1 tablespoon of milk in it, you lazy ass! Seriously... what the fuck is wrong with you?!

In the very least could I trouble you to put your dishes somewhere NEAR the sink? How about scraping the food on them into the trash first? If not, put them fully loaded with your sloppy leftovers on the counter. I don't have a garbage disposal- the Germans don't believe in them- and I am not fond of having to turn my finger into a make shift disposal blade to swirl and force shit down through the drain so the sink doesn't clog up. I am even willing to make a concession of putting a colander in the sink for you to dump your shit in... just stop leaving your plates EVERYWHERE in the house. And stop throwing plates full of bones, noodles, green beans, oatmeal, cereal, (my personal fav) lettuce, and meat fat in the sink.

That is all. This list may be expanded upon at any time, and is not necessarily inclusive.

Shit!

I am trying to figure out the code to embed (Imbed? What the Fuck! It's too early to figure this shit out!) a video in this damned blog. Oh, yes. It is pissing me off royally. I am sure I will find the proper code, so that I may post a video I made an torture you with it. In the mean time, you can check it out HERE!

In other news....

The plans are in the works for our next trip and vacation. It is becoming increasingly stressful, as the planned trip was supposed to coincide with my Mom's impending visit... As there is still no decision on a date for her trip yet, that tends to make it more difficult to put shit together, as naturally it would.

The hub getting his leave set up is also a factor. This part of the year is hectic at times, and his boss wants dates set. There are classes that have to be scheduled, and other end of fiscal year work stuff, so the days need to be blocked off for him to go-see-do. Dates he can't set for leave until a decision is made... So it is causing him the big stress too. These aren't decisions for me to make, but the incoming family. Last night, as K2 and I talked about it, we came to the resolution that decisions have to be made by mid-month. Me setting a personal deadline for us to figure out what we are going to do regardless makes it easier on me... best to keep me from losing my fucking mind. (Heh. Too late!)

Not that I am going to go off on a rant here... but I hate the fact that it is hanging in the balance. Overseas trips need lots of planning. Especially in the peak travel season. Plane tickets are only getting more expensive the longer they wait. Available hotel rooms are disappearing. Reservations are getting filled in the places we want to go visit.

My worry is that once they decide on say, September, there will be no plane tickets at a reasonable price left, and we'll have to start this whole stupid fucking process of plan, and wait, and figure, and search, all over again with a new set of dates. The other big worry? It will be so up in the air and cause so much pressure on all involved that they will decide not to come at all, and I will have to break that news to the kids, and that would suck ass. Big fat white dirty dimpled ass, in fact. It shouldn't be this hard.

If my life long assertion holds true that "Stress makes you old"... I am gonna be 50 fucking years old by the time this is all done, and they come to visit.