It's Broken

Mother Nature is obviously fucking drunk. It's July and I am walking around in sweat shirts and long pants. Not that I am a big fan of sweating my proverbial balls off in stifling humidity, but I shouldn't be bundling up against the cold in the summer time, either. On occasion I have been known to appreciate some predictability in weather patterns. Makes it easier to plan that silly shit like say... days out and road trips.

I was told coming here that it would be a big change for me- having actual seasons. In the desert, no "real" seasons... it is varying degrees of warm and dry, ranging from 50ish in the winter to 110ish in the summer. When it does rain (about 20 days of the year) we can predict it with pinpoint accuracy, because we can see it coming from California or the Gulf for days. The thunderstorms form over your head, bow up and shit on you, then dissipate. It's like Camelot. The weather simple, as if by royal decree and such.

Not so in Germany. We can see the clouds coming, but they may or may not hump up and shit on us... Usually, if the forecasting asshats in their finite knowledge of weather say a "slight" chance of thunderstorms and rain, we expect to see animals walking past, two by two. Conversely, an "80%" chance of storms, and a weather warning of lightening brings dismal clouds and light rain, but no biblical flooding.

As it is, I am freezing. Seems Europe decided to fucking skip summer this year and move onto the depressive rains and cold of September, and told July and August's warmth and light breezes under blue skies and puffy clouds to go fuck themselves. The downside for me, besides wearing socks in the house 24/7, is the kids being locked in the house with me all. day. long. The infinite streams of "I'm bored", "I wanna go outside", and "What can I do now, Mom?" intrinsically mixed in with the screams initiated by the constant fighting are driving me (more) bat shit (than usual).

I am gonna take bets and make odds that we will be ass deep in snow this winter... Maybe even by fall. Shit, we may take a sled out for trick or treating at this rate. I am so over this idea of seasons. Seasons can suck my big white ass... I'll take nice predictable 100 degrees and 3% humidity over this shit any day.