A Whole Entry for a Bitch

One of my commenter's- NICHOLE- (who I am tempted to post her email address here) said... "You seem like you hate the military. why dont you just get out of it or have your husband get out of it and stop whining its lame. anti military or people who bitch as much as you should just live a civilian life. you dont deserve to be part of the military and the military deserves better support then you. GET A LIFE LOOSER"

There are SO many stupid things about this shit you have spewed, I had to dedicate a whole entry to what a douche bag you are.

~I do not hate the military, nor my part in it. There are days that suck balls. I am sure your spoiled rotten bullshit blog surfing life has it's downs too. I bet there are days when all you want to do is run head first into walls... I think you should, personally, but whatthefuckever. This blog is my therapy to get it off my chest. Even my PDoc thinks it is a good idea to not hold the shit in. What I don't need is asshats coming on here being asshats for the sake of being asshats. If you have something constructive to say... out with it- if not- you can cram it in your cram hole, sister.
~Your solution is "get out of it"... uhm... so, yeah. 11 years of marriage down the tubes. Fuck, man! Why didn't I think of that? Maybe because despite it's stresses, my life is pretty right on- and a shitload better than a lot of people in the world have. OR "Have my husband get out of it". Holy shit- I didn't know I got to make those decisions for him- I mean with it being his career and all. I'll just have him turn in his letter of resignation and throw out 12 years of service towards retirement, all our insurance, and benefits too. (Hey, what kind of medical insurance do YOU have? Might I suggest you have your doctor check out that foot planted in your mouth, and head firmly stuck in your ass?) I am sure I would find things that would/will piss me off in civilian life too. The fact that I happen to be married to the military is irrelevant in that aspect. Sometimes life sucks. Maybe I could come live in your world of roses and bunnies for like ten fuckin' minutes?
~I am not anti-military, stupid. I am anti bullshit, and unfortunately for all of us in this life, the military is ripe with it... in fact, all the federal programs, institutions, and branches are hip deep in bullshit. If you don;t like the fact that I point it out- perhaps you should man up and leave YOUR blog address so we can come read all about how awesome and wonderful YOU are... I bet you are one of those fundamentalist zealots who think that disagreeing with the government's current policies is the 8th deadly sin
~.The military does deserve more... than assholes like you, sweet tits. It deserves spouses and families that stand by them hell or high water, and who are patriotic enough Americans to call bullshit when they see it. That's what makes us Americans, sister... our right to say "Bush is a retard." Or, "I don't want my family and friends getting blown the fuck up..." I can say that, and not commit some act of treason against my husband, his work, my government, etc. I still stand by him with pride in what he does everyday- and I sit at home and wait and worry with everyone else when he is gone.
~Finally, you illiterate twat- the word is LOSER. LOOSER is like what I would expect to find between your legs, douche muffin. I don't live my life for your approval, nor the approval of the lemming sycophants who think never saying boo about anything real is some kind of sacrifice for their country.
You don't know me or shit about me, my life, my family, etc.- except what you took the time to read in my self therapy sessions... so I would like to cordially invite you to go fist fuck yourself.... thank you. Drive Through.

Listen

Shhhhh!!!!
Do you hear that?
No?
Neither do I. It's QUIET!

The kids started school this morning. I took an uninterrupted shower. I swept the floor and it stayed swept for 4 whole hours. I read all my websites without being pestered about snacks, fights, or requests to use the computer. The peace was unshattered by fighting and bickering all morning.

It was divine... and I am excited for them to get home and see how their first day was. It's nice to be looking forward to seeing them, and talking to them. They will be happy and excited and bursting with with things to talk about, instead of bitching at me about how bored they are with everything in the universe and making me feel like the shittiest parent ever.

Danger- I'm thinking again

It has begun- the musical introduction of the webpage for Disneyland Paris is once again ringing through the house. We are narrowing dates and times and budgets for our next trip to the land of magic, mouse and disappearing money.

The options before us are late September- when it is cheap. Of course it is cheap because there is nothing going on in the park. We can get a room in a luxury hotel in the park for $990, and that includes the tickets to the park for 3 days and breakfast. Or going mid to late November- when they have the Christmas shit up. The same room then is about $1100... but there is WAY more going on in the park.

Apparently they blow fake snow onto main street every few hours. They have a Christmas parade. Oh- and the revival version of the old electrical parade that is called "Fantillusion". Looks like a mix between The main street electrical parade and Fantasmic from Anaheim.

Why go and give more money to the Millionaire Mouse? Because it is fun- and addictive to be in a musical magical atmosphere that is 100% American, and at the same time very multi cultural. The announcements down main street are done in 6 languages. Everyone there smiles and seems happy. Kids have that perfectly glowing look on their faces- and that sparkle in their eyes is a bargain at any price.

As of now the September thing is looking less likely. We may (or may not) have house guests that week- and they don't seem much into the Disney experience. (Color me floored. Who DOESN'T want to go to Disneyland with kids? But whatever.)

For now,I am back to work on the costume thing. It is the one time of year I get crazy busy with sewing shit. I make a few costumes. I make a few bucks. I have been fighting with the skirts on one for the last three days. I will win... or it goes on the grill amidst my maniacal laughing.... so ultimately... I win.

Questions

As I drifted off to sleep last night I got to thinking about something that happened a few weeks back- and thought I would share.

After the kids came in from playing outside, they laid down for a nap- at least we thought they did- so we snuck off to the bedroom to do what adults do when they can slot in a few hours alone together. The kids were not asleep, we found out, when we came out of the bedroom. I had jumped in the shower right after the deed and when I walked my towel clad ass into my room, my daughter was sitting on my bed.
"Mommy, what's that funny smell in here?"
"..."
Yes, I acted like I didn't hear the question and desperately changed the subject. How does one even begin to explain "sex smell" to a 7 year old? I asked her to leave the room so I could get dressed. She didn't, but she did keep talking about the new topic of discussion. Good enough. That seemed to work out really well until she got bored of that subject- about 3.1 seconds later- and exclaimed,
"EW! Who wet the bed, Mommy?!"

Now I know there are horror stories of being walked in on by your kids. Not so fucking lucky here... No, no. We have a child who discovers the wet spot and accuses her parents of pissing the sheets.

And The Award Goes To...

Been a while since we have checked the stats to find out what kinda of weirdoes are finding my site with their searches.
So, without further ado, here are this months winners of the "You're a Sick Freaky Fuck and Should be Banned from The Internet" Awards... With color commentary.

~the oldman watching wife fucked own son~
Uhhmmmm.... Okay. So- your thing is to watch your wife with your kid? Seek help. Talk to your wife- so she can leave your sick ass. Now.

a rapunzel smelled fucked long hair
I know there are fetishes out there... but how the fuck do you know what Rapunzel's hair smells like?

my wife likes see me suck cuck videos
Your wife wants you to suck cock? I think maybe you have some deeper issues in your marriage, and should seek counseling- or divorce. Does she want you to swallow too? Are you looking for help in how to tell her "No"? Try this... FUCK YOU, BITCH.

tampon inserted in husbands ass
I have to wonder if this is a fetish thing... or someone seeking medical advice for an ass-tacular problem. Was it intentional? You know they have toys for that, right? And they won't expand after insertion... nor force the issue of pulling dry cotton out of a rather sensitive area covered in... what-the-fuck-ever?

i am fucking my best friend s father
Seriously?! Holy Shit! Does she know? and... wait... WHY?! Old balls and grey hair crawling all over you. Go find some nice young strapping buck with sinewy thighs and a firm round buttocks on him. We have vaginas... we can have our pick- because men will do anything in the world for poon. Stop fucking your friend's father. That's nasty.

transsexual all i want are boobs large enough to fill my bra
I have to say this is my favorite. Don't despair dude- most women want tits big enough to fill their bras. We buy smaller bras, and push up pads. Then if it were possible- I could give you some of mine- I want to find a good bra that holds all of my tits.

Well, that's all for today's installment of "EW!"

There were also other various searches. 3 people hit my site looking for information my my best friend's suicide. If it was the one handed twat bitch from hell... yes, I still am going to beat your ass if I ever see you again... and if happen to be the guy looking for "indian nipple"... seriously, what the fuck, and how did that lead you to my page?!

Not Forgotten

We have a thing this Saturday... Here in Europe they don't screw around. They have renaissance festivals in castles, and they finish them off with fireworks. We are going with a big group of folks, and everyone is going in costume. Not a problem for me, as I have one. The kids on the other hand....

So I am sewing. And Cussing. I will update when I can get my husband off world of warcrack, and need a break from sticking myself in the fingers and getting pissed off.

Sorry

I have to apologize to everyone this week. Everyone I have come in to contact with. It has been a really shitty week of stress and emotional upheaval, and it has taken it's toll on my attitude. Sick cats, anniversaries, birthdays of dead friends, military career stress, kids being stuck in the house all day from rain... My head would fly apart were it not for gravity pressing in on it, and holding it together.

The days have been long, and the nights even longer. I have had little desire to do much of anything, so the only thing I have accomplished is the "have to " shit like floor cleaning and dish washing. Even with a fuck-ton of sewing to get started- something I usually find a welcome distraction from the hum drum- I have had a very hard time getting up and moving on it. The sewing serves a dual function, as not only does it give me something to do- but makes me money starting September when people go looking for costumes for Halloween, and it inevitably leads them to eBay.

I have two choices. I can sit in this pit and rot, or I can forklift my ass out of it. As was said in a great song, "If you wanna be somebody else, change your mind." No it won't be easy... but now that everything has either somewhat resolved or hit a long term state of stasis, it is just a matter of forcing myself to stop sweating the little shit, and concentrate on being a little better.

I do have to extend a special hug to Driver- having a place to vent, talk, and laugh helped bring shit into a better perspective. She is one of 3 women in the world who gets me... That's special and rare; to understand a fucking crazy person and know it's okay to be crazy.

In any case, if I have seemed not myself as of late- I apologize... (Except to the zealot asshole who I comment bombed on his blog- you are still an asshole... So is that peckerhead who uses his blog to regurgitate republican rhetoric he heard on Fox News, has no original thought in his brain, and posts constantly about the "lies" of global waring. You're an asshole too. )

And hey! I just listened to my voicemail, and things are looking up already... I have been selected to appear on a New Las Vegas game show! Woo Hoo! I wonder if they will fly us out from Germany to play? Vonage is great, ain't it?

First Timers?

Hey... Are you new here? Did you stop by to see who this bitch is who left the shitty comment on your blog? HA! Did I offend you? Tough shit... If you don't want an opposing point of view get off the fucking internet.... oh, and be sure to be a coward, and delete the comment I made. Especially to that zealot asshole who's blog defends the right of a religious sect to kill in the name of God. You're an asshole.
Did I leave any comment on your blog? Are you happy to see me? This is my little corner of the internet.. and I am glad you stopped by to see it.
In either case- your blog was either enough to royally piss me off, or deserve my attention in someway. Be happy. Or don't.

Yesterday was our 11th wedding anniversary. It has been 11 years since we ran off to the very cliche "Little White Chapel" of Las Vegas and got married in street clothes. No pretty gold rings, and hardly a penny to our names. The odds were against us making it. We spent the first months apart, in fact, by the time we were married for 5 years, we had spent more than half of it apart.

Here we are 11 years later, happy. A houseful of animals, kids and the trappings that go with married life. We still laugh, we still play, we drive each other crazy, and yes we still fight from time to time... We are facing life off day to day and most days, I think we are winning the battle.

When I am down and feeling like I can't take another second of stress or sadness, he steps up and is my strength and shield. When my heart is broken, he brings the glue, and when I get amazingly pissed off, he makes me laugh at myself and the situation. He accepts me for who I am, even though most of the time, who I am is a bitch... a funny, warm, and caring bitch, but a bitch nonetheless.

I wish yesterday could have been a better day- with the whole cat thing kinda put a damper on the making of much merry... getting through it is just another testament to this life we have.

I love you honey, and thanks for the last 11 years- I can't wait for the next ones.

Reprieve

So I took the little cat in yesterday, amongst a deluge of family tears. The plan was that we were going to have to have him euthanized. Having both a serious behavioral problem is not enough, but the double whammy of being blind makes one think that no one is going to adopt him- and he would end up being put down anyways... But then he would be alone and confused and never know why we abandoned him to a life in a cage for a month... It was heart wrenching, and a decision we agonized over for a long time.

He is back home again. The doc pleaded me into giving the stray facility 2 weeks to find a place for him. The lady who runs said facility thinks she will be able to find a home for him, given his very sweet personality and the fact that is is great with kids. Ultimately, I would like to find a way to fix the behavioral problem, and keep him myself. She thinks that the behavioral problem might be minor, and if he is the lone cat in a home he might be okay. She would just have to make ultrasure it wouldn't be a family of shits who would let the little blind guy outside, or ignore his special needs- like walking loud, announcing your presence to him, paying lots of attention to him, or keeping the furniture in one place.

So, in the mean time I am back on the investigation trail of trial and error to find a fix for his litter-box aversion problem. Even the vet said, when I explained to her the things he does, that it is bizarre. He craps in the box like a normal cat- but pees in front of it. The sand is good enough to shit in but not piss in? And he doesn't do it all the time. If any cat owners happen by here and have suggestions, let me know...

What we have tried- Aversions- "keep off" spray, moving his food to the bad pee place, tin foil, citrus scents, scaring him out of the bad place...
I also spent oodles on this shit called "Cat attract"- it smells like hot feed for horses- the concept being it smells more like the natural stuff cats like to shit in.
He has a litter-maid box, a great big one, so it is always clean. We had several boxes in the house at one time, and he chose to pee in front of just the one, so we got rid of them. We have locked him in the room with his box and food, etc for days- and he would use the box until we let him out...

Usually cats with aversion do ALL their business outside the box, and all the time. Not him. He has to be a fucking weirdo and baffle the shit out of us... any ideas would be seriously considered... C'mon folks we are trying to save his life here.

Goodbye

Dearest Kristian,

Today you would have been 34. Today, I would have called you and rubbed in the fact that you are 34, and I am not. We would have laughed and talked and it would have been like there wasn't 6000 miles between us, but we would be the same great friends we had been for 15 years.

I can't do that, though. You are dead.. by your own hand, no less.

I have spent a lot of time being angry at you for hanging yourself. The innumerable tears I have shed have been a mix of misery, sadness, and hatred. The why question is haunting and plaguing to a heart... especially when there is no answer to justify you just being gone, like a light snuffed out.

Too many times I have tried to understand what must have been going through your head; how bad you were hurting to think that death was the only doorway out... It's a circular kind of thought, really. It doesn't make sense to me that someone who always prided himself on being brave and charging through problems would just shrink from it all and just leave. I have been so angry at you for taking a cowards road out of this life, and a part of me will always think that. It has been hard resolving the ultimate act of selfishness- and why you felt it was the one thing you had control over. It's enough to drive someone crazy.

Finally, though I am not a point of complete closure, as I have yet to visit your memorial and pay my respects, I can say that I forgive you. That is not easy for me to say, as I am sure you know- but I forgive you. For going away and not saying goodbye. For not finding another way. For thinking of no one but yourself and your own pain. For leaving us here without you. I forgive you.

I want to say goodbye and cherish the one thing about you that rings in my mind every time I think of you- your laugh. It was wonderful, and infectious, and so straight from the heart. We had so many great times we shared... along with the really shitty things we did to each other... and all of it made us closer friends.

I hope you have found some peace for your tortured soul. I miss you terribly, and that is an ache that I can promise will never leave me- I wear it with pride knowing I was one of the few who knew you well enough to hurt.

I miss you.
I love you.
...Goodbye

"Supposed to" vs. Gonna

I am supposed to go today and pick up a new propane tank for the grill.
I am supposed to run to Ramstein and pick up meds from the pharmacy.
I am supposed to go to the commissary and get floor machine cleaner shit, SOS Pads, etc.
I am supposed to go pay those bloodsucking bastards at TKS their $40 for the cable TV that is as useless as balls on the pope.
I am supposed to be folding the basket of clothes sitting on my bed.

I am gonna say fuck it, fuck that, and no fuckin' way on the external running thing. I am gonna put off the laundry until I have had at least 2 more cups of coffee. I may even opt for a bath this morning.

The weather is rather shitty, and my mood is not so great. We have an appointment next Wednesday to have our little blind cat euthanized. I have joined the ranks of the bitterly bummed out. He is quite possibly the sweetest little animal I have ever owned. How I wish I could find someone who would adopt a blind cat with the horrible behavioral problem of severe litter-box aversion. After the last few months and hundreds of dollars spent, I can now say we have tried everything to fix the problem... Every suggestion and product from every website I could find.

Instead of fighting the big sad by forcing myself to work through it and ignore it, I am gonna just be blue and feel shitty about it. Because I should. We have to put a member of our family down, and my heart is just broken over the whole thing. Not thinking about it or feeling it will only make it worse when the day comes... So fuck it all... at least for a few hours.