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August 2, 2007
"Supposed to" vs. Gonna
I am supposed to go today and pick up a new propane tank for the grill.
I am supposed to run to Ramstein and pick up meds from the pharmacy.
I am supposed to go to the commissary and get floor machine cleaner shit, SOS Pads, etc.
I am supposed to go pay those bloodsucking bastards at TKS their $40 for the cable TV that is as useless as balls on the pope.
I am supposed to be folding the basket of clothes sitting on my bed.
I am gonna say fuck it, fuck that, and no fuckin' way on the external running thing. I am gonna put off the laundry until I have had at least 2 more cups of coffee. I may even opt for a bath this morning.
The weather is rather shitty, and my mood is not so great. We have an appointment next Wednesday to have our little blind cat euthanized. I have joined the ranks of the bitterly bummed out. He is quite possibly the sweetest little animal I have ever owned. How I wish I could find someone who would adopt a blind cat with the horrible behavioral problem of severe litter-box aversion. After the last few months and hundreds of dollars spent, I can now say we have tried everything to fix the problem... Every suggestion and product from every website I could find.
Instead of fighting the big sad by forcing myself to work through it and ignore it, I am gonna just be blue and feel shitty about it. Because I should. We have to put a member of our family down, and my heart is just broken over the whole thing. Not thinking about it or feeling it will only make it worse when the day comes... So fuck it all... at least for a few hours.
Posted by TheFreud at August 2, 2007 10:42 AM
Comments
I guess going blind is something new for our families animals. Most of our pets just got geriatric and all the other stuff quit working. I'm sorry for your kitty. I know how much losing a family member hurts, God knows Mom and I went through a lot of that. I think she still has all the ashes to prove it.
Love,
me
Posted by: Dad at August 2, 2007 12:59 PM
just feel it. IT's the worst feeling in the world, but take all the time you need... the propane can wait. I've been there and was so glad I took the time and space to feel it fully. I wish I could say something better. --susan
Posted by: vajrabelle at August 2, 2007 3:23 PM
I'm sorry. You TRIED. AND, you feel bad. You have compassion and you did the best for the poor thing.
Posted by: annie at August 3, 2007 1:21 AM
i really enjoyed your post.
Posted by: sir jorge at August 4, 2007 6:34 AM
