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September 13, 2007
Appearances
I had a friend here who took a trip to Paris. She didn't go to see the Eiffel Tower, or walk the halls of The Louvres. She went to buy a pair of shoes... a $400 dollar pair of shoes. It took all my strength to shake my head, instead of call the PDoc and make her an appointment. The shoes were cute enough- but very similar to ones I saw on payless.com for $30.
Do you remember, in high, school the 2 girls who didn't fit in with anyone but each other? They sat alone at a table at lunch, and pointed and laughed at the "in" crowd? They took joy in watching the cliques act the ass, and rolled their eyes at the groupies who followed the popular people like sycophants? They seemed to know at least two people in every group, but kept their time with them separate from the group at large? Yeah... In case you wondered who those girls were... That was me and my best friend. I didn't fit into a clique- and my attitude about it then is the same as now... "THANK GOD".
Around fifth grade when I went through my "But everyone else is wearing it" phase, I was told by quite a few people in my family, "So what? School is for learning. It's not a popularity contest." Yeah, I hated it- but within a year or two, I was SO over fashion, and "everybody else". By high school- I wore flannel shirts, ripped up jeans and a leather jacket. I came into class with a cup of coffee in one hand and a beat to shit binder in the other. Funny thing is, I was very involved in my school- I was in the colorguard, and various choir activities. My schedule was very full... I guess it just stopped at the activities, not the social goings on of "who was banging who, and did you see what she was wearing."
Everyday of my life I have been glad that I am an individual. I pity, (and yes look down my nose at) people who live their lives striving for the approval of a social group or clique. Those poor wretches who think others will regard you with respect because of the name stitched on your clothing or purse. I would think it a bigger sign of intellect to feed a family for a month on what they spend on a hand bag, and still have cash left over for some fun.
It's not so much a gift, but a natural tendency of mine to stand outside and look in at the issues. When I see poor women who became programmed as teens to act and think that appearances are everything, I want to grab them by the shoulders and shake the piss out of them. It's not just brand names. These gals that make the evening news for having a complete breakdown- come to find out it's because they couldn't stand the thought of everyone finding out that life in their home was not the paradise it seemed from the outside. Their husband is a bastard, their kids do make messes, they really can't cook without a book, they don't really have that much money and are drowning in debt, etc.
What's the point, really? If you are living your life for others to approve of it, how do you find time to see if you approve of it? I met one of the other wives here a while back. She is a German lady, and she said she found me refreshing and wonderful. Not from appearances, mind you. But because her perception of American women is that they are so fake and pretentious. As much as I wanted to stand up for us and defend us as a whole- I couldn't.
In many ways, I am still that girl in school with the leather jacket, and a smile for the few brave enough to approach me. My attitude makes me hard to approach- but ultimately easy to talk to and befriend. When you get to know me, it is a total "you see what you get". (Oddly enough people are surprised to find I talk exactly like I write.)
My life is happier having a handful of close life long friends than a whole ass load of acquaintances. Frankly, I have little use for fly by night friends who come in, want to go for drinks, but bail when I get pissed off, upset or cry. Want to measure your friendship? Tell your friend that they are being an asshole when they are, or that, yes, in fact that outfit DOES make them look fat and dumpy... and call them the next day secure in the fact that your love and loyalty for one another is unchanged. Try being there when they are puking their guts up, or midcrisis and punching holes in walls, and see if when the crisis resolves if they are not embarrassed that you have such intimate knowledge of their dark side. It is al a part of the same issue... being okay with who I am, and who you are- even if who you are is a bitch. So long as you aren't a bitch who tries to impress me with some fake version of yourself to hide who and what you really are. That's just false advertising, and people like that fucking suck.
What do you think? Do you find it difficult to be the real you?
Posted by TheFreud at September 13, 2007 1:52 PM
Comments
I agree with you all the way. I can be way too honest for some people but I'd rather have someone tell me to fuck off than just take it and talk shit about me behind my back because I hurt their feelings. I couldn't stand the popular crowd in high school. What a bunch of superficial assholes! And if I ever act like I'm going to join a clique, I hope someone shoots me first. ;-)
Posted by: Ananke at September 13, 2007 3:37 PM
I'm glad high school is behind me, and I find the further I get away from it, the less I'm like that insecure bookish girl. Oh she's still around at times, but back then I never could have said FOAD, which you do with such grace, I might add.
Groups form anytime there are a bunch of us. The trick is to find one that's not full of assholes.
Thanks for your visit to Bitter Women today, by the way! It's great to meet you!
~Jayne
Posted by: Jayne at September 13, 2007 9:34 PM
You crack me up! I can't count how many times I've offended someone because I said it how it is, and made no apologies for it. Who has time for that really? Not me, life is too short to not be honest. And, I really hate it when people don't have the courage to say to my face, what they say to people behind my back. Grow some cajones, and be a man/woman. Or in Kid's case, both. LOL :P
I also agree with you about the handful of lifelong friends...they're the ones who know me best, and who can tell me how it is, and oddly enough I don't get upset by it. And, no matter what dumb-ass thing I've done...they still love me. That is simply fabulous!
oh, and sometimes I really am sorry I blew you up with a sticky ;))
Posted by: Chivaun at September 14, 2007 12:21 AM
I'm some times surprised you turned out so good. I helped your Mom raise you, and did my share of yelling at you, but thought my words of wisdom weren't getting through. I'm very proud that you turned out so well and actually let most of it sink in.
You are right about many things, but the most important part is that true friends last a lifetime.
Love you,
Dad
Posted by: Dad at September 14, 2007 3:52 AM
Ana- I'll make sure to have the gun on standby! ;)
Jayne- There is a big difference between bookish and assholish.
Hilskie- I don;t think you are sorry- not one bit.
Dad- Yeah... uhm... well, you know.
Posted by: MsF at September 14, 2007 2:37 PM
Your Dad is right--We did a hell of a great job bringing you up to be honest and caring. You have a zest for life that is hard to find in a young woman of your age. You love your kids with everything you have; you love and hate your husband--which is a normal thing--and you have a love for your family and your heritage. You are by all things normal, very special..(and you know what I mean by that).
Most young women your age, do still have that aneurysm thing going on that makes them think that other people really care what they are wearing and how they wear it. Think again!!! But you have to give Brownie Points to the those women who have the BALLS to wear what they do. Especially those really big women who wear "thong" underwear and let it show from the hip hugger jeans that are slowly sliding down their ass. OMG!!! Give us strength. LMOA!!!
But the best part about your my dear, is your sense of humor and your ability to laugh at the ridiculous. And for that, you must say thank you to your Pop-Pop.
I love you,
Mom
Posted by: Mom at September 14, 2007 6:15 PM
I found your site by accident a month ago; your writing style is hilarious—especially the verbiage! I was having a bad day when I first found your site and laughed so hard reading your entries that the rest of the day turned out great—thank you for that. I passed on your web site address to about 20 other folks who, after visiting, all had various remarks, most wondering how you don't get in trouble for speaking openly. I think you should consider writing as a profession, not a hobby. Keep it comin’…
Posted by: Tater Gater at September 14, 2007 9:12 PM
How can you say I'm not sorry...oh wait, maybe that's because I do it so frequently. :/ :D Seriously tho'...glad I found 2old2play so that I could meet you and Kenevin.
You're a great writer, and I always (sometimes too much) enjoy what you have to say. Sometimes I laugh a little too hard too. LOL!
Posted by: Chivaun at September 14, 2007 10:32 PM
I appreciate you, and your honesty....I appreciate that YOU are what I get, and not some faux wannabe, look alike...clique in crowd freak...thank you....
Posted by: Driver at September 18, 2007 12:34 AM
I like to be me, even though I don't like people staring. Hey! I'm not that weird or individual. Aren't Converse Chucks in style again? What's the big fucking DEAL? I guess cuz I'm not wearing the latest "girlie" style that pinches my feet.
I never cared for cliques in high school either. Guess that's why I left FOUR days into Junior year. I just looked at all the bull-shit of the "New Fall Fashions" and the new formations of cliques and said to myself, "I cannot do this for TWO more years!"
Posted by: annie at September 18, 2007 10:02 PM
Something about spending $400 on shoes just pisses me off & I'm not sure why. Not to even mention to go to Paris TO BUY shoes!
I hated high school. I think everybody did.
I have a difficult time now because people wonder why Jim & I don't go "out". Why we don't go to the movies, to dinner, to blah blah blah. But we're happy & we love staying home together. We like each other! We didn't meet til our mid-thirties, so I think we've done all the eating out we wanted to... by ourselves.
When I try to explain it, I don't know why I try, they still don't get it.
Posted by: jane at September 23, 2007 9:56 AM
