Moment Over

Ha! That was short lived. The quiet is gone... that is not to say that my brain is back to chaotic. At least, not yet. It is however, more focused. Wow- this sleep thing is fucking awesome! Maybe I should be exhausted more often. Pushed to the brink of cracking up- .

Oh! Shit! I didn't tell you about Friday! K2 came home early so I could take his car to the pharmacy, as mine was still dead and pissed. His car was low on gas.. now I probably could have made it there and back on what was in there- but the stupid light came on, and in that gas hoggin' whore, I get really jumpy... so I stopped to fill it. Grabbed some adult beverage refreshments for later while I was there, and figured. no big deal- I have almost an hour to get there. Since I was just picking up an already filled script, that was time to spare. Cruised down to Ramstein, feeling better that I would be able to get my meds, and put a halt to this stupid shit cycle of zombie sleep deprivation.

UNTIL... Duh duh dunnnn.... I pull into the clinic parking lot, and it is empty. Empty at 3:45 p.m. On a Friday. So, it was apparently a goal day... or family day... or a training day... or whatever else kind of bullshit that I could not wrap my head around at that moment. They were obviously closed. Yes, I still felt the need to get out of the car and walk up to the door... go inside and hear the nothing inside the dark building full of closed doors and empty rooms. Crickets! Crickets, I tell you! Now, after almost a week of hardly any sleep, and the little bit I did get being broken into 45 minute chunks throughout the 3 or 4 hours I was laying there, I got a little emotional. I welled up as I waked back to the car- and sat in the driver's seat, in an empty parking lot, and had myself a good old fashioned crying jag.

Anyway, came Monday, and the opening of the pharmacy... and the first unbroken night of sleep in a week. Then the haunting quieting of my mind earlier. Remember how it sounded on September 12th? When there were no planes flying anywhere? It was eerie, but not in a way you could quite identify...? Well, that was what it felt like- in there- where the cobwebs live between my ears-. Now my mind is back at work- but it is calm. Almost orderly. Maybe I needed that crying fit in an empty parking lot.

Feeling out of focus, depressed, and majorly mindfucked? I have the cure! Sleep deprivation of at least 6 days, a mini-breakdown- complete with the self soothing of rocking and wailing like an Italian Widow- and then a good hard sleep.