You hear that?

It's quiet. There is a bit of sun steaming onto the floor, the cat is sleeping where he normally does- flattening my couch back with his crushing weight.. But it's unusually quiet. In the house, but more so in my head. Perhaps the side effect of the first full night's sleep in over a week. I wouldn't even say I am quietly contemplating things like I usually am prone to do in down times... it is just- blank. Sure, the look around brings the bits of "Gotta clean that", or "That needs to be thrown out." or, "We're out of milk.", but not the racing thoughts of moving, packing, orders, money, blah, blah, blah. stress. stress, stress. Don't get too excited- it's not a feeling of contentment, but contrarily wise, not depression either... it's actually a rather curious sensation. I feel like I SHOULD be working something out. I'm just not.

I was folding a basket of clothes when I realized it. First time I wasn't hating laundry- mostly because I was on some kind of auto pilot. Maybe this is the precipice before I get across to accepting, or even looking forward to the new home, new place, new something. Oh, you think maybe I am detaching from here? Because that is definitely worth celebrating. Motivation is often easier when I have a helping of "wanna".

I just feel mentally clear, now if there was just something to look at with this perceptual mind set. Odd that since I do the majority of running, calling, and resolution for the family that a moment of mental quiet would be so... disquieting, so much so that it makes me stop and take notice.

In fact, now that I am putting it into words, yeah, maybe... yep... it feels like being okay with all this shit I having been beating my head against for months. The move, the cars, the kids social speed bumps, the stateside family stuff, the money pinching... No, still not shit hot on the idea of flat ass cold North fucking Dakota, but I am sure I have been through worse. Christ on Crutches! Now we're getting somewhere.

I think I'll go have a bubble bath. I could go sift paperwork, make phone calls, or something productive, but right now- it can wait. Why waste an enchanted moment of mental peace?