Fuck You MCM- A FOAD Special

Okay... follow along close. You may need a piece of graph paper and a slide rule to keep up, but here goes.

In the beginning stages of this mnd screw of house buying, I went and pulled our credit report. Looked it over, and found something weird. A company called Midland Credit had us owing them $1250.00... okay... what the fuck? So I call them.

Call 1- After getting disconnected 3 times, I finally get a talking head on the other end of the line asking for an account number. Well, I don't have one of those- so I give the social security number and she pulls it up. Apparently this is a collection account for Providian. A credit card we had years and years ago. I am pretty sure that was paid off a long time ago, I told her. Shit, fire and save matches. Now, we HAD a Providian account when we moved here. We closed it and paid it off. We paid it off in October of '04. Of course in my fluster of what the fuck, I am told "If you paid it off, no big deal, just fax us proof that it was paid off." ?!?! Okay, fine. Hang up the phone, throw a fit, and start digging through records and papers.

Call 2- Say fuck it and call Providian for information on the original account. Once we did the round about of confirming identity she tries to pull up an account that has been closed for 4 years. She gives me another company to call to trace it to- Oddly enough it is NOT Midland.

Phone call 3, I call the next company. A nice guy named Guy checks the account and confirms it indeed was paid off in October of 2004. I ask him how this account got sent to a collection agency in San Diego if it was paid off 4 years ago. He's stumped too, by the way, just as I am. I was able to get the original account number tacked to the account from him. It was a Visa- I know that because it started with a 4.

Call 4- Back to Midland to ask them where did they get the account? When? Account Number? All that happy shit. Midland gives me a Mastercard account number (Started with a 5), said they got it from some company name Presidio... Never heard of these dirtbags, btw, and Forest Gumped me saying they couldn't tell me anymore about that, because they had no contact information for Presidio. Hmmm... okay...

Call 5- To Providian, who as luck would have it, had to be routed through Washington Mutual Bank because I had no card number to give the auto-answer machine... I talked again to a nicely employed off-shore rep and asked her to grab old information. After once again talking to my husband to confirm that he was here- she said we had one account with them. Ever. A Visa account- that's right- starting with a 4. I confirmed the Visa number with her, and yep- the was the only one she had for us. Fuck a duck. Okay...

Call 6- Extensive forum digging on Google provides me with contact information to a company named Presidio, who apparently sold Midland this account of ours from Providian... I get a really nice lady there. I give her the mastercard account number that Midland says we owe for- and for the account they claim Presidio sold them with our name on it. She doesn't have it in her system. I give her our names. Nothing. Our SSNs- nope. Presidio has no fuckin idea who we are- never heard of us, have no card or account in our name, not even a single address linked to our zip code.

So to sum up thus far- Midland Credit has us on file for owing $1250 on a Providian mastercard account that Providian doesn't have in our name, that was sold to them by a collections company that has never heard of us, and are telling us we carry the burden of proving that we paid it off in 2004, even though the one we paid off was attached to a different Providian account number and was paid off to a company called Palisades.

Call 7- Back to Midland to inform them that Presidio has no record of this account, us or this ghost balance. Also tell them that Providian has no records of this account belonging to us- as all we had with them was a Visa account. She tells me to file a Police Report. (What the mother fuck??) And to contact the FTC about Identity theft.
Now I am quite sure this is not ID Theft as further down my credit report I show a soft hit in May from a skip trace, and oddly that's when this ghost account shit got added to my report. Some prick in a cube farm somewhere found a name match and tacked this shit on to our experian and transunion report, because he saw a previous account with Providian.

In any case- Call 8- The feds. Called the FTC, filed a complaint... and then asked, "Okay, now what?" The Federal Government said to inform the company that there has been a mistake- and said if they will not fix it, ultimately I am within my rights to contact an attorney and sue them.. As I never received a bill, they have provided no proof of the debt, etc. The FTC said that whether it is due to theft or not, it is still fraud.. Fraud is a felony. :) I asked her how likely it was that a thief would steal our numbers in order to open ONE card account for $1200. She kind of laughed- not really the way it usually happens... and more often than not the credit card company that originated the account would still have it tied to your name.

Call 9- Shit, It's now 10:30 p.m., I am pissed off and frustrated, and I get back with Midland to inform them that I have filed a complaint with the FTC. She says I need to get a police report. Wait, what? Yes, see because she says it is Identity theft... I say, one, I am in Europe, so what police do I call? Second, I am quite sure no one stole my information in this matter, just someone in skip tracing fucked up. Now these sonsabitches want me to fax them an affidavit stating the account is not ours in order for them to do the research and take it off our credit report. Gee, just an affidavit? It's that simple, huh, bitch? Well, of course if I send it with a police report... basically- they don't acknowledge that it was a mistake, it must be theft. You fuckweed.
She says an affidavit is all that is needed, and if I send it to them with any "supporting paperwork", they will expunge my credit of this debt. Some little minimum wage prick fucks up a skip trace, and leaves me to try to prove a negative.

Midland is unwilling to do any of this research themselves- I have to get legal papers, and "supporting documentation". The burden of proof somehow does not lie on their shoulders, but the consumer's. In the mean time I get to write and retell this story to every bank we want to shop with for a mortgage until Midland stops jerking off into the cereal bowl of my life.

I have a complaint on file with the FTC. I also filed a complaint with the BBB. I am seriously considering hiring an attorney... especially if this shit delays us buying a house, or costs us massive amount of points in interest in trying to get a mortgage from some over zealous little bastard in his cubicle not verifying the validity of a debt and identification associated with it.

Calls 10, 11, 12 will be to Providian, and the other companies involved to try and sweet talk them into helping me prove my negative to these cockbites at Midland. Why should it be my job to prove THEY fucked up?! OMG I am SO fucking pissed off. I may make calls 13, 14 and 15 to stars and stripes, and consumer groups to besmirch these fucktards in every public forum I can find.
So MCM, Midland Credit Management you can FUCK OFF AND DIE for adding this much more bullshit to the stress of moving and house hunting. Your company sucks big fat dick, and I hope you get put out of business by the federal government, with your managers led away in chains. Your company is unethical and I would be surprised if you make any money at all with your business practices. FOAD. You suck something fierce.