Everything you never wanted to know

~Houses with all hard floors, and little furniture have a great echo effect.

~Cats are sketched out by the sound of tape guns. So much so, that they will go into hiding and look like the devil himself is coming after them with a hungry pitbull. Cats even take on a possessed look- wondering if there is such a thing as a cat exorcist.

~During a move that is done in pieces, invariably, despite the best laid plans, shit will get forgotten. You could very well end up after the last movers leave realizing you have no can opener, but a drawer completely full of cooking utensils.

~Children, when left with few toys, will find something to play with, no matter how "not a toy" that something is. *Solo cups, when stacked and fall on a wood floor are noisy- see above re:Echo effect. *Stuffed animals don't smell good after used as bath toys. *Pillows, in fact, do not make good projectiles. *Golf balls make marks on walls when thrown against them. *Empty 5 gallon water bottles, when put in the hands of children can be dangerous.

~Solo cups are multi-purpose kitchen tools. Breakfast cereal can be eaten from Solo cups, spaghetti-o's can be cooked in Solo-cups, and even though they crack, kids can hide solo cups full of liquids in the freezer and make solid bricks of ice that can break toes when they fall out.

~You have more cleaning supplies under your kitchen sink than you think you do.

~AFN sucks worse when there is nothing else to do during down time than watch AFN.... The up side being, you find things to do to minimize down time.

~Temporary furniture was designed by the same people who developed the interrogation methods for detainees in Guantanamo Bay. I know somewhere someone is laughing his sick fuckin ass off thinking about people sitting on couches for weeks that make doctor's office furniture seem comfortable. Same sick bastard thinks the idea of 2 adults sharing a double bed is hilarious.

~Mother Nature, in order to pay me back for taking away her ability to fuck me up with menses, has decided to screw with the weather. Going from the patio temp being 96, with 80% humidity to a high of 62 and windy as all hell... making my body react in bad ways- sweat my ass off to freeze my ass off within 36 hours. Uncool. This week we have had lovely days of 35 mph winds, and an hourly change from torrential rain to sunshine at least 4 times a day.

~You have shit hidden in the corners of your house that you don't know about. I'll make a list for entertainment purposes. You likewise have shit stuck to the floors in your house under the furniture that would scare you... seriously- I don't remember ever having THAT in this house. WTF?!

~Everyone reacts to stress differently. Some eat and gain weight. Some stop eating and lose weight. Some get testy, some get depressed,... I break out. I am not talking the teenager looking zit here and there on my face. I get these huge nasty painful knots in oddball places. These past two weeks have gotten me what could only be described as alien invasions, and they always show up about 24 hours after a new bit of bullshit is added to the stress pile. One in (That's IN) my ear, one right dead center between my tits, one right at the bra line on my back, one in my armpit, one on my thigh, and one... well never mind where THAT one was. The one that did show up on my face is not a zit... I think it is my body trying to grow a new nose (One that looks like it belongs on a famous reindeer) and it is right next to the old nose.

~Old magazines seem like new again, when you find them after years and put them in the bathroom for the "Guy's Shitting Time".

Fuck man... stop the ride. I want to get off now, please.